Daddy Long Stroke

“Hell no,” she says. I can tell she’s grinnin’ and all happy ’n shit ’cause she’s ’bout to get her ass some thick, juicy Jersey dick. “I been thinking about you every since we started kicking it on Myspace and on the phone. I’ma be there before the plane hits the ground, waiting for you. You just don’t know how you made my day. OhmyGaaaawd. I’m so excited.” Sounds like the chick is salivatin’. Them country-ass, bama niggas down there must not be slingin’ no real dick.

“Aiight, then, baby girl. I’ma see ya fine-ass tomorrow. And when you come through, don’t wear no panties. I wanna play in ya pussy on the way back to ya spot.”

“Okay,” she says. “Can’t wait to finally see you in the flesh.”

“I can dig it. One more day, and it’s fuck city, baby. So, brace ya’self ’cause you ’bout to get the muthafuckin’ ride of ya life. See ya tomorrow.”

“Umm,” she says, clearin’ her throat. “I need to tell you something before you get here.”

“Aiight. I’m listenin’,” I say, rollin’ over on my side, starin’ at the wall.

“Uh…” The bitch pauses. And I start thinkin’, Awwww, shit. This ho is ’bout to tell me she looks like Fiona in Shrek.

“Yo, you still there?”

“Yes.”

“Aiight, then. So what’s good? What you gotta tell me?”

“Well…uh, those pictures I sent…well, they don’t really look like me.”

I frown. I knew it! The bitch gotta face like a groundhog. “So, what you sayin’? Ya ass is ugly or sumthin’? ’Cause the chick in those flicks look good as hell, word up.”

“No, no, I look good.”

“You got that fat ass, right?”

“Yes.

“Okay, then, you still fuckable. So what’s the problem?”

“Well, I’m much shorter, and a bit lighter, in person.”

I let out a sigh, chucklin’. “That’s it? Shit. I thought you was ’bout to hit a nigga wit’ some shit like you was a burn victim wit’ no teeth and legs.”

She laughs. “No, nothing like that. I have all of my teeth. And I’m definitely not a burn victim. I just didn’t want you to be caught off guard when we met.”

“Check this shit out,” I say. “As long as you gotta fat ass, ya pussy is clean, and you tryna eat this nut outta my dick, we cool. You dig what I’m sayin’?”

“Oh, good. That’s a big relief. Most guys start tripping once they meet me.”

Trippin’ ’bout what? “Yo, you ain’t no muthafuckin’ nigga, are you?”

“Huh?”

“Yo, don’t ‘huh’ me. Do you have a muthafuckin’ dick hangin’ between ya legs? A muhfucka like me ain’t on it like that, real talk. ’Cause you tryna get ya muthafuckin’ biscuit pushed in if so.”

She laughs. “OhmyGod, nooooo. I’m all woman.”

“Oh, aiight then. I was ’bout to say. Fuck ’round and have me catcha case. As long as you were born wit’ a real pussy and some real titties, it’s all good.”

“I promise you, I was born female.”

“Then we cool. Just make sure you got ya fine ass at the airport to pick me up.”

“I will.” We bullshit for a few extra minutes, then hang up. I let out a loud-ass yawn, then close my eyes, thinkin’ ’bout all that juicy Georgia Peach ass I’ma get up in while I’m down there. I think ’bout callin’ Keisha to come through and suck on this dick, but decide to jerk my shit instead. Yeah, I know I just finished fuckin’ a few hours ago. And? Fuck what ya heard. A muhfucka likes to beat his shit, too, which is what I contribute my great dick and nut control to. Some days when I’m jackin’ off I wanna slow-bleed this nut, which is where I’m jerkin’ my dick, then I stop strokin’ it, and just let my nut flow out by itself. Other times, I wanna gusher-type nut where I keep beatin’ my dick ’til I’m ’bout to nut, then stop, let my nut roll back down into my balls, then start beatin’ my dick again. I keep doin’ it over and over again, bringin’ me closer and closer to the edge. Then when I’m finally ready to bust, I pump my dick hard and fast and let my nut fly out all over the place. Whew! That shit be good as hell, word up. Some niggas think jackin’ off when you got a steady flow of pussy is whack, but them dumb-ass muhfuckas got it twisted. Beatin’ ya dick can teach you a lot ’bout ya body.

And ’cause of all my years of beatin’ this dick, a muhfucka can fuck for almost two hours straight before bustin’ a nut if I want. But that usually depends on how good the pussy or head is, and the type of ho servin’ it up. If she’s broke, she could end up gettin’ slayed wit’ three to thirty minutes’ worth of dick. But, if she’s a ho lacin’ a nigga and handlin’ a muhfucka real proper, then I’ma most likely run an all-nighter on her.

Anyway, today, I’ma make this a quick nut. I glance at the clock: 1:47 P.M. I grab the baby oil offa the nightstand, then let it do what it do. Ten minutes later, I spit this nut, then roll over and fall off to sleep, ’cause a nigga’s beat.

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