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Johnny Carew and Jerry Vale were walking along the sidewalk, en route to their next potential convert. Jerry was dragging his feet, while Johnny was actually feeling pretty good about himself. He’d long known that a life of crime doesn’t make you happy, and had learned his lesson when kicking his heels in a Mexican prison cell. Contrary to the prison cells back home the one they’d been confined to in Tulum hadn’t offered the kinds of creature comforts he’d become accustomed to. No television privileges, and no friendly conversations with his fellow inmates, making friends and influencing people.

The only thing he’d liked was the food, which was Mexican, probably obvious as they’d been in Mexico. He’d gained a couple of pounds, on top of a frame that was top heavy to begin with. The only one who hadn’t gained an inch around the waist, or anywhere else for that matter, was Jerry, but then Jerry had always been a nervous eater, with stomach problems on top of bowel problems on top of whatever else ailed him.

“I think I’m starting to get the hang of this Jehovah’s Witnesses stuff, Jer,” said Johnny now, clutching his Bible and a copy of The Watchtower and feeling like a new man ever since he’d been baptized by that nice elder back at Kingdom Hall. “I think we finally found what we were looking for.”

“Oh? And what were you looking for, exactly?” asked Jerry, a nasty sneering quality to his tone that Johnny decided to ignore.

“Well, a sense of belonging for one thing,” said Johnny. “It’s nice to be part of a great group of people.”

“And what was wrong with our old group?” asked Jerry.

“Nothing,” said Johnny, deciding that his friend Jerry was in one of his moods again, and when Jerry was in one of his moods there simply was no talking to the guy. “Have you managed to get a hold of Marlene?” he asked instead.

“Nah. She keeps blocking my calls. I tried friending her on Facebook but she blocked me there, too. Maybe you should call her. She probably doesn’t recognize your number and then you can hand me the phone.”

Marlene was Jerry’s ex-wife, but the ex-crook still carried a torch for her, and had never given up hope winning her back. Marlene had moved on, though, and rumor had it she was seeing an investment banker. Tough for an ex-con to compete with an investment banker.

“You know what, Jer? I think once Marlene hears you’re a Jehovah’s Witness now she’ll probably want to talk to you.”

“You think so?” asked Jerry, a glimmer of hope lighting up his weaselly features.

“Oh, sure. Women love a religious man. Just look at how many women always flock around our local church priest.”

“Old crones, mostly,” Jerry muttered.

“Not just old crones. Young crones, too.” He got out his phone. “In fact why don’t I call her right now? She’ll be happy to talk to you once I tell her you found religion.”

Jerry licked his lips.“But what do I tell her? How do I win her back, Johnny?”

“Just tell her what’s in your heart, Jer. Women can tell when you’re being honest.”

Jerry nodded earnestly.“Okay, fine. Yeah, call her. Call her and tell her Jerry wants to talk to her. No, scratch that. Don’t tell her anything. Um, or better yet, tell her an old friend wants to talk to her. Yeah, that’s better. Though she’ll probably hang up the moment she recognizes my voice. Um…”

Johnny placed one of his ham-sized hands on his friend’s back. “You think too much, Jer. That’s your problem right there.” He dialed Marlene’s number and waited for her to pick up, giving his friend a reassuring smile. Jerry was nervous, which was a good sign. It meant he wouldn’t say anything dumb. He’d think before blathering like a silly fool.

“Marlene?” he said, the moment Jerry’s ex-wife picked up with a melodious, ‘This is Marlene, and who are you?’ “It’s Johnny. Johnny Carew.”

“Oh, it’s you,” said Marlene, not exactly sounding over the moon with joy.

“Yeah, it’s me. Listen, Marlene, Jerry and I are back in the country.”

“I didn’t even know you were out of the country.”

“Ha ha. Still as funny as ever. Listen, Jerry and I have joined Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

“You did what now?”

“They were the only ones prepared to let us do our community service.”

“I should have known. What did you do this time? Rob a bank?”

“How did you know?”

“Oh, Johnny,” Marlene sighed.

“Listen, Jerry wants to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Yeah, but he’s found religion, see. He’s a changed man, Marlene. A religious man, if you see what I mean.”

“Tell him he still owes me six months’ worth of alimony.”

It didn’t really sound encouraging, but Johnny was an eternal optimist, who believed in the essential goodness of all people. So he handed the phone to his friend. “She’s very eager to talk to you, Jer,” he said, adding a little fib to the mix, just to keep the ball rolling.