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And so move out we did, like the obedient little platoon we were.

This time Chase led the way, Brutus and Harriet right behind him, and Dooley and I picking up the rear.

“Do you think Harriet is right, Max?” asked Dooley. “That the reason we don’t have a girlfriend is because we don’t understand girls and we never will?”

“No, I don’t think Harriet is right at all, Dooley. The purpose of a boyfriend is not to cater to his girlfriend’s every whim. At its core a relationship should be built on friendship, love and trust, not servitude, like Harriet seems to think.”

“Okay,” said Dooley, thinking hard about my words. “But when you love someone, you’re willing to do everything for them, right?”

“I guess so,” I said.

“So maybe that’s what Harriet means?”

I hadn’t looked at it that way, but it seemed highly unlikely. Then again, I frankly had enough on my mind with this cat killer hanging around, and since I didn’t want to get drawn into another fight with Harriet, I decided simply to drop the whole thing, and pretend the discussion had never even taken place.

Chapter 21

When we finally arrived home we were met by Odelia, standing in the door. Next to her was… a dog.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“That, my friend,” said Brutus with a grin, “is what is commonly known as a dog. And in case you don’t know what a dog is—a dog is a member of the canine species and…”

“I know what a dog is, Brutus. But what is it doing here?”

When we approached, Odelia waved at us and said,“I’m so glad you guys are all right.”

“Of course they’re all right, babe,” said Chase, planting a quick kiss on her lips. “They’ve got the best cat bodyguard for miles around. Also the only cat bodyguard for miles around,” he added a little ruefully.

“How did it go?” asked Odelia.

“Fine—if you can call a bunch of cats caterwauling all night fine.”

She now crouched down and petted the big dog on the head. He was a dog of the Bulldog variety and was big and round and had one of those smushed-up faces that made it hard to know what he was thinking. His eyes were hooded, and saliva was dripping from twin pouches next to what I assumed was his mouth. He looked like someone had attempted to create a dog but hadn’t entirely succeeded.

“Look, you guys,” said Odelia. “Your knight in shining armor has arrived.”

We all stared at her, then at the dog, not quite catching her drift.

“Rambo will be your guard dog from now on,” she said. “I’ve got him on loan from the K9 squad. He’s actually retired now, but still does odd jobs for them from time to time. In fact he’s pretty much the K9 unit’s mascot, so please be nice to him, all right?”

The dog, who hadn’t spoken, now opened his mouth for the first time. I half expected more saliva to come pouring out, having been pooling up inside his mouth, but instead he said, in a deep rumbling voice, “Hi, cats.”

“Hi… you,” I said by way of greeting.

This was too much. A dog? Guarding cats? No way!

“Hi, Rambo,” said Dooley, stepping to the fore. “Welcome to our humble home.”

“Thanks, bud,” said Rambo, not exactly conveying a wealth of emotion.

“This was my idea, you know,” said Dooley proudly, and I gawked at him.

“Your idea!”

“Yeah, I thought a guard dog would make sure we don’t get locked up and set on fire again.”

“But… I thought you said we were going to get trained,” I said to Odelia. “Like dogs!”

“No, I said I was going to get you a trained dog to look after you. And here he is. Yay!”

“Oh, dear Lord,” I said. As if it wasn’t enough to be guarded by a human, now Odelia had to add a dog to the mix?

“I’m a great guard dog,” said the dog. “I used to guard the president when he was in town.”

“The president was in town?” I asked. “When was this? I must have missed it.”

“What did he say?” asked Odelia, who can talk to cats, but unfortunately her abilities don’t extend to dogs.

“He says he used to guard the president when he was in town.”

“Oh, he probably means one of the former presidents,” said Odelia.

“A former president!” I said. “How old are you!”

“Old,” said the dog. “But that doesn’t mean I’ve lost my bark.” And to show us he meant what he said, he barked. Once.

Oh, dear. This was a disaster, wasn’t it?

We all filed into the house, and soon Harriet and Brutus made themselves scarce, disappearing into the house next door. Dooley and I moved up the stairs and hopped onto the bed, waiting for Chase and Odelia to join us, and before I knew what was happening, suddenly a minor earthquake made the bed tremble and shake!

It was Rambo, making the great leap and following in our pawsteps.

And so when Odelia and Chase finally emerged, they found their bed bedecked not with holly, but with two members of the feline species and one, very large, drooling dog.

“I think we’re going to need a bigger bed,” said Chase, surveying the scene.

Somehow they managed to squeeze in, and soon Rambo was snoring away, showing us what a great guard dog he really was.

“I hope it wasn’t too horrible?” said Odelia, addressing her boyfriend, not us.