d5e426eccb138e04dab909926b2752c6

“I think you were right, Max,” he said, intensifying his gimlet stare. “I think she knows. And if she knows, she might file a complaint and put us in her new pound.”

“If you don’t stop staring at her like that she certainly will—you’re right about that.”

“Dooley, can you please stop staring at Charlene,” suddenly said Odelia, who’d become aware of this new development.

“Oh, all right,” said Dooley.

“Thank you,” said Odelia, then looked up when everyone was staring… at her. “What?” she said.

“Odelia!” said Charlene, slowly rising from her chair. “You-you-you talk to your cats!”

“No, I don’t,” said Odelia.

“I just saw you—you talked to that Dooley!”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did! You talked to him and he talked back to you and you said ‘Thank you!’”

“Nope.”

Charlene suddenly put her hands to her face.“What’s going on? Am I going crazy?”

“No, you’re not.”

But then Charlene uttered a blood-curdling scream that chilled us all to the bone.

“Oh, boy,” muttered Vesta, and threw down her napkin. “And here we go again.”

27. PURRFECT SON

Chapter 1

Marge had recently bought herself a new couch to replace the one she’d used for the past fifteen years, and of course it hadn’t taken long for us cats to explore its many advantages, such as there were: softness, firmness, and the many other characteristics that potentially turned it into our new favorite spot to lounge on and take those precious catnaps that we enjoy so much.

Marge had, of course, put down a blanket to prevent us from ruining her new couch—as if we could ever ruin a couch simply by our mere presence—and when we’d communicated our disfavor of the new blanket, she’d put down a protective sheet. All in all I think we’d used the couch more than she or Tex ever had, or Gran, and I don’t think that was exactly what she’d hadin mind at the time of purchase.

Then again, if you’re going to be a cat lady, you have to be prepared for the consequences is what I always say.

And so it was that four cats were lounging happily on Marge’s new acquisition, sleeping peacefully and generally spending a lazy morning at home.

Marge was at the library, Tex was at the doctor’s office, and so was Gran, and next door the house was empty, too, as Odelia had gone to work, and so had her boyfriend.

I have to admit I thoroughly enjoy these lazy mornings, when the house is quiet and it’s just us cats, with no humans to disturb us or to trouble us with their dramas.

“Max?” suddenly asked Dooley, rousing me from my slumber.

“Mh?” I said with some reluctance, for I’d just been dreaming of the largest and tastiest chicken nugget I’d ever encountered. That chicken nugget was mine, and now it simply vanished as I opened my eyes. Bummer.

“Do you hear that?” he asked.

I noticed how my friend had tensed up, and he looked as much like a pointing dog as a pointing dog could look if he were a smallish gray cat.

Dooley has these moments when he starts seeing things that aren’t really there, like mysterious diseases that suddenly afflict him, or the sky falling on top of our heads when the sky is still firmly attached to whatever the sky is attached to.

But this time I had to admit he wasn’t hallucinating, or getting all worked up for no reason whatsoever. There was indeed a noise where no noise should have been. It sounded like… scratching.

“Do you think it’s burglars?” asked Dooley, eyes wide and fearful.

“I hope it’s not mice,” said Harriet, who’d also woken up.

“Or rats,” grunted Brutus, located right next to his girlfriend.

I pricked up my ears a little more, and surmised that the sound seemed to emanate from upstairs, which was of course quite impossible, as the house was empty.

“It seems to come from upstairs,” now also determined Harriet, whose hearing is on par with that of the rest of us.

“Let’s go and have a look,” said Brutus with a yawn, and made to get up.

“Are you crazy?” said Harriet. “For all we know it could be burglars, like Dooley says, and then where would that leave us?”

“Um, heroes when we catch these burglars?”

“Yeah, dead heroes,” said Harriet. “I say we stay right here and pretend we didn’t hear a thing.”

“How can we pretend not to hear a thing when burglars are cleaning out the house?” said Brutus. It’s at times like these that you can see that Brutus used to belong to Chase before ownership was transferred to the Poole family. He still thinks like a cop’s cat.

“Look, it can’t hurt to take a little look-see,” I said now. “We simply sneak up on the burglars and then we sneak away again and go and warn our humans. Easy-peasy.”

“I don’t know,” said Harriet doubtfully. “I’m too young to die, you guys.”

“Nobody’s going to die,” I said. “We’ll just pop upstairs and then pop down again—no harm done.”

“All of us?” Brutus grunted. “I think we should probably send one cat up there to check—doesn’t seem right for all of us to risk our lives.”

“Brutus is right,” said Harriet. “If we all go we’re going to attract a lot of unwanted attention for sure. So who’s volunteering for the mission? Please raise your paw.”