Crowfeather's Trial

Leafpool had come with him willingly, heading out into unknown territory. But then, the night before, they had met the wise badger Midnight, who had told them that savage badgers were gathering to attack the Clans. The battle would be fierce and bloodstained; cats would die. Leafpool had said nothing about returning, and neither had he, but as he watched her sleeping form, Crowfeather knew what she would say to him when she woke. Her dedication and her loyalty to ThunderClan were part of why he loved her.

And that meant their dream of being together would soon come to an end.

“Oh, Leafpool,” he sighed aloud. “I would have taken care of you until my last breath.”

As if his words had disturbed her, Leafpool awoke, leaping to her paws, her eyes wild and distraught. “Crowfeather!” she gasped. “I can’t stay here. We have to go back.” She looked at him, her wide eyes full of regret.

Crowfeather raised his head. “I know,” he mewed, sadness rising inside him like a flooding stream. “I feel the same way. We have to go and help our Clans.”

He could see the relief in her eyes as she pressed her muzzle against his. He wished they could stay that way forever, but much too soon she let out a purr and meowed, “Let’s go.”

As they trekked across the moorland toward home, though neither one of them said it, Crowfeather realized that he was losing another mate — not as terribly as he had lost Feathertail, but just as finally. Leafpool was choosing to return to her Clan because they needed her, needed their medicine cat, and that meant that Crowfeather’s only option was to reunite with WindClan. He imagined what it would feel like, walking back into a camp he’d never expected to see again. Everything would seem foreign to his eyes; he himself would feel like a stranger.

If they’ll even have me, he thought bitterly. They all know where I went, and why, and they’ll blame me for leaving. There’ll be questions about my loyalty, that’s for sure.

“I’ll never forget what we shared,” Leafpool murmured as they approached the stepping stones that led across the stream into ThunderClan territory. There was grief in her face, but a set determination that was stronger.

“Nor will I,” Crowfeather responded. Halting at the edge of the stream, he pressed himself against Leafpool’s side, and parted his jaws to taste her scent for the last time. I’ll miss her so much, he thought. Her softness, and her strength and courage. And how we could play together as if we were no older than kits again…

Leafpool pushed her nose into his shoulder fur. Her amber eyes were full of love for him.

But it’s not enough. She doesn’t love me enough. Her heart lies here, with her Clan. She’s so loyal… I just wish that she could be as loyal to me.

“Good-bye, Crowfeather,” Leafpool whispered. “I’ll see you again when all this is over.”

“What do you mean, ‘good-bye’?” Crowfeather made his voice harsh. Otherwise he would have started wailing like a lost kit. “I’m not leaving you when there are hostile badgers around.”

“But you need to warn WindClan,” Leafpool protested.

“I know, and I will. But I’ll see you to your camp first. It won’t take long.”

Leafpool didn’t argue with him. But as he followed her across the stepping stones and into the trees, Crowfeather knew that he was only prolonging their anguish.

That’s it, he thought as he raced along. As Leafpool disappeared into the thick undergrowth, he knew that he would never be with her this way again. They would cross paths during Gatherings and other Clan business, but they’d have to keep their distance, as if they’d never loved each other at all. He couldn’t bear to imagine how much that would hurt. He couldn’t think of anything worse. If he was lucky, maybe a badger would tear him apart.

If I do survive, he thought, I’m finished with love. It only ended in pain and loss, an ache in his belly as if he’d swallowed jagged stones. From now on, he vowed as he forced himself to follow Leafpool, I’ll only worry about my duty to my Clan. No more love — not ever again.

Chapter 1