Consumed

“Come on, trust me, I know a short cut. Turn right just up here, you can get back on route.”

“Fine but you’re paying the extra fuel money if we get lost.”

“We won’t get lost. Trust me.”

* * *

Joel was sitting in the driver’s seat still. The early morning sun illuminating his face — showing his irritation clearly to all those who glanced at him. Once comfortable, now he wanted nothing more than to swap with someone else so he could relax and de-stress from the journey already traveled — not that he’d swap with anyone else… Not whilst they were in his VW camper van. No one got to drive other than him. He was looking out of the window, staring towards a petrol station they had stumbled across — the only building they had seen for what felt like hours. A building that they were all surprised to see was open for business when they pulled up outside. On first impressions it looked as though it was derelict — ready for demolition. The back half of the building, visible as you drove up to the property, already looked as though it had been partly demolished.

“Just relax,” said Hayley, “it’s all part of the fun. And, on the bright side, we’re getting to see lots of new places.”

“I don’t want to see lots of new places,” hissed a clearly stressed Joel, “I want to see the campsite. I want to see the campsite. I want to see a nice pint of cider. I even want to see a warm sleeping bag… A comfortable pillow…”

“And I wanted a real man… I guess we can’t have everything we want, hey?” snapped Lara. Unlike Joel, she wasn’t stressed from the journey. She was already stressed simply from being in the same vehicle as Joel.

“Fuck off,” said Joel.

A bell, above the petrol station’s door, chimed — alerting everyone in the van that the door had been opened. Joel turned his attention back to the station’s entrance and watched as Michael stepped out, back into the fading daylight; a sheepish look on his face.

He crossed the forecourt and jumped into the front of the van, back onto the passenger seat, next to where Joel was sitting — and fuming.

“Well?” barked Joel.

“The funniest thing…” said Michael. He tried his best not to laugh, sensing Joel’s annoyance.

“How far?”

“Did you want that in miles or kilometers?”

“Cut the shit, Mike, how far out of the way have you taken us?”

The satellite navigation system had informed Joel the journey should have taken approximately four hours. So far, they had been on the road for just under six — extra time which was eating, slowly, into their camping trip.

“Relax,” said Michael, “if you think about it… We’re only camping… It’s not as though we’re staying in a hotel. We could pitch up anywhere and have a nice weekend… We don’t have to go to that particular site… We could find another… One that’s closer…”

“We agreed on this site,” said Joel. “We paid for space at this site… Now… Tell me, before I have to kill you… Where the fuck are we?”

“We’re about an hour in the wrong direction… About… Give or take… An hour… Or two…”

Joel turned to Dan, in the seats behind them, “Pass me the sat nav, will you?”

Dan knew when to keep his mouth shut and simply passed the little box over to Joel. With no further words, he snatched it and secured it to the windscreen again. He stopped when he saw Michael start to put his seat-belt back on, “What are you doing?”

“Safety. You know, if we get pulled over and I’m not wearing a seat-belt… I can get a fine…”

“Fuel.”

“I’m sorry?”

“We agreed, you pay the extra fuel costs if we get lost. Well, we’re lost… We’re running low on fuel… And, oh look, we’re at a petrol station… The chances!”

“They’re out.”

“What?”

“Yeah, they don’t have any fuel…” Michael finished putting his seat-belt on.

“Did you think to ask where the nearest petrol station was?”

“No, but there is a McDonalds about ten miles that way,” Michael helpfully pointed up the road. “Happy Meals all round?”

Dan helpfully pointed out, “We’re supposed to be at the site already. We should have been tucking into a nice healthy heart-attack fry-up…”

Michael, “McDonalds could still be serving breakfast. What time is it?”

Joel shook his head, “You’re a dick. Really. You are.” He turned to the back of the van, “Lara, did you want to sit up here with me? Perhaps you could carry on calling me an asshole for the rest of the road trip? Yeah? Let’s really make it a trip to remember.”

Lara replied by raising her middle finger.

Michael leaned closer to Joel, “Come on, man, we’ll be laughing about this around the campfire in a few hours.”

Joel turned the satellite navigation system on and sat back, waiting for it to book up properly, “You’re a dick, Mike… A dick. We’d have already been there. Tents would have been set up. Fry-up consumed. Laughter. Fun. Maybe we would have even had a little walk…” He addressed the rest of the group, “Everyone ready?”

The group, with the exception of Michael, agreed unenthusiastically. Clearly they were all wishing they hadn’t chosen to go with Michael’s own internal map system.