Coming Out

“It is simple,” he said with a warm smile, but behind the smile, once again she saw sadness, as she had since the previous spring, when his friend died.

“Are you okay?” She looked deep into his eyes and could not decipher what she saw there. She sensed more than saw that something was hidden. She hoped nothing was wrong in his life. He was a deep thinker, and had been even as a young child.

“I'm fine, Mom.”

“Sure? Are you happy at school?”

“Happy enough, and I'm almost finished.” She knew he was worrying a lot about what to do when he graduated in June. He was still planning to go to California, to interview with his friend's father. He had decided not to go after Christmas, and to go over spring break instead. He had also applied to Oxford for a year of graduate studies, before applying to divinity school at Harvard. He had options and choices, and decisions to make, which was stressful for him. He had his whole life ahead of him to work out. It was always important to Charlie to feel he was doing the right thing.

“Don't worry too much about what you're going to do. You'll figure it out. The right thing will just happen. Give it time.”

“I know it will be okay, Mom.” He leaned over and kissed her. “Don't you worry, either. Have you talked to Dad lately?”

She shook her head. “Not since last summer, when he was so mad at Veronica saying she wouldn't come out.”

“Maybe you should just call him to say hi, so it's not too awkward that night.” He knew how much his mother disliked Felicia, and how strained her relationship had become with Chauncey. They had absolutely nothing in common.

It was a mystery to all the children how their parents had ever gotten married. Seven years together was remarkable between people who were that mismatched, although at twenty-two Olympia had been a different person. She had been a product of her own very conservative Episcopalian upbringing, and Chauncey's Social Register world had been familiar to her. Charlie had always suspected that she had married him because her parents died when she was in college, and she was looking for stability and a family, so she had gotten married. But as she evolved over the years, and developed her own ideas and way of thinking, they had grown apart. Now they lived on separate planets. Charlie thought his mother's world more interesting. He liked Harry a lot, he had always been wonderful to him. But he also had deep affection and loyalty to his father, whatever his quirks, prejudices, failures, and limitations. And Felicia was just silly. Charlie thought she was harmless. His mother had never agreed with him. She thought that Chauncey's wife was a living monument to stupidity and malice. Mostly because Felicia was wildly jealous of her, and never failed to make some incredibly dumb comment when they saw each other, which was rare enough. He knew that it was going to be hard for his mom not to have Harry with her, and was sorry that Harry couldn't get over his own principles to be there for her. But apparently, that wasn't going to happen. Charlie had promised himself, as always, that he would do everything he could to help her, in Harry's absence. And his suggestion to call Chauncey, to pave the way for a peaceful evening, was a good one. He knew his father would be flattered by the call. Chauncey liked homage and attention.

“Maybe I will call him,” Olympia said cautiously. She wasn't enthused about it, but recognized it as a diplomatic suggestion. “Are you going up to see him over Christmas break?”

“I thought I'd go up for a couple of days, before we go to Aspen.” Harry, Olympia, and all the children were going to Colorado over Christmas for a week of skiing, as they did every year. They all looked forward to it. Charlie never admitted it to anyone, but it was more fun being with them than with his father. But he went to see him out of loyalty and affection, and always the hope that they would be able to connect somehow, at a deeper level. So far that had never happened. Chauncey wasn't a deep person. “He has some new polo ponies he wants to show me.” Charlie looked sad as he said it. He knew what a disappointment it was to his father that he didn't want to play polo. He liked riding with him, and had ridden to hounds with him in Europe, just to see what it was like, but polo bored him. It was his father's passion.

“Do you want to bring any friends with you to Aspen?” They rented a house there, and Olympia was always open to the kids bringing friends with them. It was more fun for them if they did, but Charlie shook his head, after a flicker of hesitation.

“No, I'll ski with the girls, or Harry.” Olympia stayed on the bunny slopes with Max. The others were much wilder skiers than she was, particularly Charlie.