Class Dis-Mythed

"C'mon," I said, embarrassed. "Let's talk about something else."

"Do you remember when that team from Crocodilia blew the Jack-in-the-box round?" Markie asked, adroitly changing the subject.

"Wait a minute—yes, I do," Tananda laughed. "That was hilarious."

"What happened?" I asked, curious.

"Oh, the whole thing was a mismatch," Tananda said. "Their feet aren't made for walking on something narrow. They should have given that poor female a tube like the shark's. Watching her scooting along the wire upright, going 'Ooch! Ooch! Ooch!' every step! I was on the floor!"

"And at the last minute she dropped it," Markie said. "It was a hoot. Her teammates dove for that box like dolphins after a fish. Too late. Crash!"

Since I was now passionately interested, the ladies shared their favorite Sink or Swim stories with me. I kept half an eye on the broadcast, waiting for the next moment when my students had another chance to shine. I was enjoying it all.

Chapter Twenty-Three

"I think the dragon's cheating." BILGEWATER*

"And now," Schlein announced, gathering our attention once more, "today's third round! This is a free-for-all involving all of the groups still in the running. If one of the losers from the previous round wins, they get to give their penalty point to the team they triumph over! If they lose again, they're out of the game, so this is a crucial contest!"

All seven of the surviving teams assembled on the vast floor. Schlein settled to the floor in their midst, beaming with all of his shiny white teeth.

"You all have a designated area to which you must go. Your team name is on a sign overhead." Schlein gestured, and the names lit up around the perimeter of the huge room. "That's all. Or is it all?" he asked, with a witty look at the crystal ball which must have been next to his shoulder. "In order to get there, you have to get past your opponents, who must prevent you getting to your safe spot. Anything goes! And to make this REALLY interesting, we are bringing in some of our house champions! Welcome the She Spider!"

I gasped as a tremendous black arachnid lowered itself into the Arena. It was so big the hairs on the joints of its legs looked like marlinspikes. Its multiple eyes glinted. Schlein stepped up and pointed toward a complicated gizmo that the stagehands wheeled into place behind her.

"The way to get past the She Spider is very easy. All you have to do is shoot an arrow into the target over her head. That will dump this barrel of water on her head. She hates water!"

The invisible orchestra played WAAA waaa waa waaaaaaa!

* We'll give you this one—from the graphic novel DUNCAN AND MALLORY by Mel White and Robert Asprin.

The spider and her apparatus were at the center of the stage. I wondered how anyone would run afoul of her. There was plenty of room to avoid her reach.

"We also have Sergeant Pep-up's Mutileers!"

These were evidently famous and popular. As a host of purple-uniformed soldiers marched in to wild applause, the orchestra struck up a tune, and an unseen men's chorus sang, "We are the Merry Mutileers! We cut off noses, hands and ears! Hup two three four, you're going to die today! Here's to the Merry Mutileers!"

Tananda was singing along. She gave me a shy glance and fell silent.

"They're cute," she said. "I dated a few of them once."

"Do they really mutilate the contestants?" I asked.

"Oh, not most of the time!"

I gulped. The Mutileers were followed by a couple of Ogres in crash helmets, nine Imps with bludgeons on skateboards, and a barrelful of screeching monkeys. I'd thought the Arena stage huge, but it filled up pretty quickly with all the 'house champions.'

"A-one," Schlein began the count. All the players braced themselves, facing toward the haven they had to reach. "A-two. A-three. Go!"

Free-for-all was right. The chaos that ensued looked like Free Sample Day at the Bazaar. My students started out in the direction of their free space, only to be intercepted by the Gargoyle Girls. The stonefaced males and females matched every move the Apprentices made, dodging left and right, with big grins on their gray stone faces. Pologne's expression turned impatient, and she flung a hand upward. The Gargoyle nearest her went flying overhead. It landed on the back of the Dragonettes' dragon, who turned around with a roar, looking to see who had done that. The Apprentices scattered as the dragon charged them, followed by the Trolls.

My students didn't have the bulk or the strength, but they could move. Melvine took to the air and thumbed his nose in

the dragon's face. It spewed out a hot jet of flame at him. Melvine easily ducked upward. The dragon spread its wings to follow him, and knocked half the Shock Jahks off their feet.

Sharkbait saw its opportunity. The whole school flitted neatly around the dragon's whipping tail and headed towards its glowing sign and freedom.