Changeling

“He don’t seem to know the difference between Miss Belinda and the servants. He called that tweeny ‘Chickabidee’ the other day, and I heard him call Miss Belinda the same.”

“The children like him,” I said. “And what is nice he has time for them.”

“Yes, he seems fond of the little ones.”

Miss Stringer had doubts as to the effect he might have on the children’s manners and their use of the English language. They were saying “Good-o” now and talking about things being “dinkum.”

I said I did not think it would do much harm.

He certainly brought a change to the household. I heard him and Benedict laughing together. Celeste found him an easy guest. He went riding with us and his expert horsemanship won Belinda’s admiration—I might say adoration. He and his horse seemed like one. “You live on horseback in the Outback,” he told them. He was skillful. He could tie amazing knots; he could make lassos. He taught them how to throw them round trees and had them practicing for hours. “It’s not trees you want to catch though,” he explained. “It’s cattle … or someone who’s come to rob the homestead.”

We were all fond of him in a very short time.

He did talk business a great deal with Benedict, just as Oliver Gerson had done, so it did seem to me like a replacement for Belinda and I really believe she accepted him as such, for I noticed she ceased to talk so often of Oliver Gerson.

It soon became obvious that Tom Marner enjoyed the company of the children. As soon as they went into the garden he would be there with them. Leah was pleased about this. She had changed since the death of her mother but I was not sure in what way it had affected her. I imagined there had never been great love between them. It was hard to think of anyone’s loving Mrs. Polhenny. In fact I had always been under the impression that Leah wanted to get away from her and I could understand that.

I wished Leah was more communicative. One could never understand what might be going on in her mind. I had tried to talk to her on one or two occasions but had never made any headway. Her devotion to the children was wonderful—particularly to Belinda. She understood Belinda’s difficult nature better than any of us. Even she seemed to blossom a little under the influence of Tom Marner and I had heard her laugh quite heartily several times and join in the merriment he seemed to generate.

Celeste seemed relaxed in his company, so it was a very pleasant visit.

Sometimes I heard his cry echoing through the house: “Cooeee” and Belinda or Lucie would answer in the same way, and ran to find him, anticipating some excitement, some story of the Outback, or the fun of riding with him.

He was a lover of nature and his admiration for his own country soon became apparent.

He used to tell them stories of how the first fleet went out to Australia. “Prisoners … all of them … who had committed some petty crime … or no crime at all.” He talked of how the convicts had suffered during the long haul across the ocean. How they had been lined up on deck when they reached that sun-drenched land, to be chosen as slaves and to work out their time of exile. He described the golden gorse and the eucalyptus trees, the colorful birds, the rosellas, the grey- and red-crested cockatoos called galahs, the kookaburra with its laughter, the one they called the laughing jackass.

We would often hear cries imitating the kookaburra. “It would be useful if the children were lost,” said Miss Stringer, “or when one wanted them to come in from the garden.”

She also approved of the history which was wrapped up in Tom Marner’s racy conversation; so even she was not averse to his presence in the house.

All this talk of Australia naturally made me think even more of Pedrek. I wondered what he was doing out there and how often he thought of me. He would be reproaching me, I knew, for doubting him. In my heart I did not … and yet there was that niggling fear.

For the rest of my life, I thought, I shall go on longing for him, believing in him … or would there always be that faint uncertainty?

But something told me that even if it were true, if I had loved him enough I should never have deserted him. Was not understanding … and forgiving … the very meaning of love? What did they say? In sickness and health. If this were a sickness, I had not been there to understand him or help him.

But he had been so horrified that I could not believe him. I did, I wanted to cry out. I did. But somewhere in my mind was that damning doubt.

How sad life was! There was Celeste who could look so sorrowful. Why could not life be simple … easy … as it seemed to be with people like Tom Marner?

I liked to be alone with my thoughts—far from happy ones, it was true. Sometimes I was on the verge of writing to Pedrek begging him to come back and let it be as it was in the past, so that we could get on with the future we had planned.