Chainfire: Chainfire Trilogy Part 1

Richard swallowed, not wanting to admit it aloud.

Nicci lifted his chin and made him look into her eyes.

"Richard, you have no responsibility to live up to anyone else's expectations."

He blinked at her, looking speechless.

"It's your life," she insisted. "You're the one who taught me that. You did what you thought you must. Did you turn down Shota's offer because Cara disagreed with you? No. Would you have turned down Shota's offer if you knew I thought you were wrong to give her your sword? Or would you have turned her down if both of us told you that you'd be a fool to accept? No, I don't think so.

"And why not? Because you were doing what you thought you must do and as much as you would hope we would agree with you, in the end it didn't matter what we thought. Your conviction was what you had to act upon. You didn't quail at the decision, you acted. You did what you felt you had to do. You were making the decision based on what you believed, for reasons only you can truly know, and that it was the right thing to do. Isn't that correct?"

"Well — yes."

"Then what difference should it make if your grandfather thinks you're wrong. Was he there? Does he know everything you knew at the time? It would be nice if he believed in what you did, if he supported you and said 'good for you, Richard, but he didn't. Does that suddenly make your decision wrong? Does it?"

"No."

"Then you can't let it take over your mind. Sometimes the people who love us the most have the highest expectations for us, and sometimes those expectations are idealized. You did what you had to do, given what you believed and what you know, to find the answers you needed to solve the problem. If everyone else in the world thinks you're wrong, but you believe you're right, you have to act on what you have sound reason to believe. Numbers of those against you don't change the facts and you must act to find the facts, not satisfy the crowd or any particular individual.

"You have no responsibility to live up to anyone else's expectations. You have only to live up to your own expectations."

Some of the light, the fire was back in his intent gray eyes. "Does this mean that you believe me, Nicci?"

She sadly shook her head. "No, Richard. I think your belief in Kahlan is a result of your injury. I think you dreamed her up."

"And the grave?"

"The truth?" When he nodded, Nicci took a deep breath. "I think that is the real Mother Confessor, Kahlan Amnell."

"I see."

Nicci seized his jaw again and made him look back at her. "But that doesn't mean that I'm right. I'm basing my belief on other things-things I know. But I don't think that anything I saw in that coffin, as much as I believe it's her, really proves it. I've been wrong in my life before. You've thought I'm wrong all along in this. Are you going to do as someone says who you think is wrong? Why would you do that?"

"But it's so hard when no one believes me."

"Sure it is, but so what? That doesn't make them right and you wrong."

"But when everyone says you're wrong it starts to make you have doubts."

"Yes, sometimes life is really hard. In the past doubts have always made you dig all the harder for the truth, to be sure you were right because knowing the truth can give you the strength to fight on. This time, your shock at seeing a body in the Mother Confessor's grave when you hadn't anticipated even the possibility of one being there, coupled with your grandfather's unexpectedly harsh comments right in that moment of horror, overwhelmed you.

"I can understand how it was the last straw and you couldn't fight it anymore. Everyone can sometimes reach the limits of their endurance and give up-even you, Richard Rahl. You are mortal and you have your limits just like everyone else does. But you have to deal with that and move on. You've had time to temporarily give up, but now you have to take control of your own life again."

She could see him thinking, considering. It was a thrilling sight to see Richard's mind back and working. She could still see, though, his hesitation. She didn't want him to come this far and slip back now.

"People must have not believed you before, in other things," she said. "Weren't there ever times when this Kahlan of yours didn't believe you? A real person would have sometimes disagreed with you, doubted you, argued with you. And when that happened, you must have done as you thought you had to, even though she thought you were wrong, maybe even a little crazy. I mean, come on, Richard, this isn't the first time I've thought you were crazy."

Richard smiled briefly before thinking it over. Then, a broad grin spread on his face.

"Yes, there certainly were times like that with Kahlan, when she didn't believe me."

"And you still did as you believed you had to, didn't you?"

Richard, still smiling, nodded.

"Then don't let this incident with your grandfather ruin your life."

He lifted an arm and let it flop back down. "But it's just that.»