Cat In An Alien X-Ray

She was gone and Matt was scratching his head, which he could do, because it wasn’t swathed with a ridiculous hat of gauze.

“That’s my agent,” he told Kinsella. “Why’s he sending you flowers?”

“I told you. Read the story. Temple said it was the best she could do on instant notice.”

“What would Temple have to do with it—?” His glance fell on the larger-type headline on the pages. GOSSIP-A-GO-GO. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes. She had to explain the assault scene not only to the police but the media. She’s the mistress of spin, no doubt about it. We’ll have a hard time living up to her inspired improvisation.”

Matt pushed himself up against the pillows, winced and sighed simultaneously, and began to read. “Oh my God!” He glanced at Max. “That wasn’t swearing; it was a religious ejaculation.”

“Good thing I’m familiar with Catholic terminology, or I’d have taken your explanation for something else.”

“Enough with the jokes, Kinsella. Did you see what this two-bit entertainment columnist is saying?”

“All too clearly.”

“Good grief.” Matt began reading snippets aloud in disbelief. “‘Attempted robbery at semi-retired magician’s house reveals an intriguing new entertainment deal in the works. Is the “hot new couple” in town Max Kinsella, aka the Mystifying Max, and syndicated radio shrink Matt Devine? What kind of act could they dream up? Magic and mind-reading? Sounds promising. These two local celebrities are a reverse Siegfried and Roy, with the brunet of the duo lean and mean and the blond warm and fuzzy.’”

“Gag,” Matt said, for the first and hopefully last time in his life.

“Swearing for real is far more satisfying than sounding like a teenager,” Kinsella said.

“Shut up. ‘The Odd Coupling—’ No!”

“Yes. It gets worse.”

“‘… could have betrayed a big secret on the showbiz front. According to well-known publicist Temple Barr, who reps both men, Matt Devine suffered a flesh wound when caught in the crossfire after a robber broke into Kinsella’s Las Vegas home near dawn yesterday.’

“‘The robber knocked out Kinsella before escaping without any ill-gotten goods. While police investigate, we can speculate. According to Barr, the men had been visiting backstage with local headliners into the wee hours and surprised the miscreant when they finished their tour at Kinsella’s home. Let’s hope this is the start of a beautiful friendship, if not a performing alliance.’”

Matt lowered the pages. “This implies a whole lot of stuff.”

“I was saying, you’ll want to marry Temple ASAP, just to quash the rumors about ‘us.’”

“I want to marry her ASAP anyway.” Matt groaned. “This is worse than getting shot.”

“No, the worst thing will be telling Temple you’ve been dating Kathleen O’Connor for the past couple weeks.”

Matt felt his stomach knot up tighter than the pain had accomplished so far. “It was the only way to keep that psycho from going after Temple.”

“It’s not what you did and why you did it; it’s that you didn’t tell her. Secrets are not a healthy foundation for a marriage.”

“You’re telling me that, Mr. Professional Prevaricator? You kept her in the dark about your counterintelligence activities for more than a year.”

“And I’m not the one marrying Temple.”

Matt sat up in bed and put his head in his hands.

“And,” Kinsella said, “you’re not the one with a fresh head injury on top of a brain crash.”

The guy’s rueful good humor was grating on Matt. “Kathleen told Temple about our enforced ‘trysts’ while she held us all at gunpoint. The big shock is already over. And where is the gun anyway? You and I were hauled out of there plenty fast by the ambulances.”

“Back in its safe hidey-hole in the house,” Kinsella said. “I was more mobile at the time than you.”

“I still can’t figure how Kathleen got the gun away from you.”

Kinsella shook his head, and then winced. “I’m not one hundred percent, Devine. And I never was invincible. I’m not sure how she did it, either, but I’m not worrying about it. Her next moves are worth worrying about, but I think she’ll be dealing direct, now that she’s finally found me.”

“‘She’s finally found you.’ Funny, that could be the title of a romantic ballad instead of a stalking song.”

“Speaking of which,” Kinsella said, sitting up in bed. “Temple has finally found you again.”

The sound of hurrying high heels echoed in the hall. Temple appeared around the corner, a burst of color and energy.

“You can come home, Matt,” she announced joyfully. “You’re released. I’ve brought your clothes and have extra tote bags for the flowers—oh, there are more—we can hang the totes on the wheelchair that’s coming.…”

“I’m released and I need a wheelchair?” Matt sat up, his legs dangling off the high hospital bed like a child’s. “How come he’s not getting out? I had the more serious wound.”

“Hospitals kick women out a day after childbirth nowadays,” Temple said, nodding at Kinsella. “Max will be released soon too. Thanks for the quick defensive motion in my behalf, Max.” She aimed a smile Kinsella’s way before stretching up to pull Matt’s bed curtain closed.