Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life

1:2 Few of those who are filial sons and respectful brothers will show disrespect to superiors, and there has never been a man who is not disrespectful to superiors and yet creates disorder. A superior man is devoted to the fundamentals (the root). When the root is firmly established, the moral law (Tao) will grow. Filial piety and brotherly respect are the root of humanity (jen).

1:3 A man with clever words and an ingratiating appearance is seldom a man of humanity.

1:6 Young men should be filial when at home and respectful to their elders when away from home. They should be earnest and faithful. They should love all extensively and be intimate with men of humanity. When they have any energy to spare after the performance of moral duties, they should use it to study literature and the arts.

3:3 If a man is not humane (jen), what has he to do with ceremonies (li)? If he is not humane, what has he to do with music?

4:2 One who is not a man of humanity cannot endure adversity for long, nor can he enjoy prosperity for long. The man of humanity is naturally at ease with humanity. The man of wisdom cultivates humanity for its advantage.

4:3 Only the man of humanity knows how to love people and hate people.

4:4 If you set your mind on humanity, you will be free from evil.

4:5 Confucius said, “Wealth and honor are what every man desires. But if they have been obtained in violation of moral principles, they must not be kept. Poverty and humble station are what every man dislikes. But if they can be avoided only in violation of moral principles, they must not be avoided. If a superior man departs from humanity, how can he fulfill that name? A superior man never abandons humanity even for the lapse of a single meal. In moments of haste, he acts according to it. In times of difficulty or confusion, he acts according to it.”

4:6 Confucius said, “I have never seen one who really loves humanity or one who really hates inhumanity. One who really loves humanity will not place anything above it. One who really hates inhumanity will practice humanity in such a way that inhumanity will have no chance to get at him. Is there anyone who has devoted his strength to humanity for as long as a single day? I have not seen anyone without sufficient strength to do so. Perhaps there is such a case, but I have never seen it.”

6:21 Confucius said, “The man of wisdom delights in water; the man of humanity delights in mountains. The man of wisdom is active; the man of humanity is tranquil. The man of wisdom enjoys happiness; the man of humanity enjoys long life.”

6:28 Tzu-kung said, “If a ruler extensively confers benefit on the people and can bring salvation to all, what do you think of him? Would you call him a man of humanity?” Confucius said, “Why only a man of humanity? He is without doubt a sage. Even (sage-emperors) Yao and Shun fell short of it. A man of humanity, wishing to establish his own character, also establishes the character of others, and wishing to be prominent himself, also helps others to be prominent. To be able to judge others by what is near to ourselves may be called the method of realizing humanity.”

7:6 Confucius said, “Set your will on the Way. Have a firm grasp on virtue. Rely on humanity. Find recreation in the arts.”

7:29 Confucius said, “Is humanity far away? As soon as I want it, there it is right by me.”

Engaging in five acts of kindness a week: Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness (New York: Penguin, 2007), 127–28.

Spending twenty dollars on someone else: E. W. Dunn, L. B. Akin, and M. I. Norton, “Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness,” Science 319, no. 5870, (2008): 1687–88.

When pitted against one another in competitive economic games: A. Dreber, D. G. Rand, D. Fudenberg, and M. A. Nowak, “Winners Don’t Punish,” Nature 452 (2008): 348–51.

New neuroscience suggests we are wired for jen: J. K. Rilling et al., “A Neural Basis for Social Cooperation,” Neuron 35 (2002): 395–405.

In over twenty studies: T. N. Bradbury and F. D. Fincham, “Attributions in Marriage: Review and Critique,” Psychological Bulletin 107 (1990): 3–33.

see hidden virtues accompanying their partner’s foibles and faults: In this research, romantic partners were asked to write about their partner’s greatest fault. More satisfied romantic partners were more likely to see virtue in their partner’s faults, and to reflexively offer “yes, but” refutations of the fault. See S. L. Murray and J. G. Holmes, “Seeing Virtues in Faults: Negativity and the Transformation of Interpersonal Narratives in Close Relationships,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 65 (1993): 707–23.

In 1996, Paul Zak: P. J. Zak, “Trust,” The Capco Institute Journal of Financial Transformation 7 (2003): 13–21.