Arena Three

My heart leaps at the sight of him. I always thought Ben was handsome, with his soft features and gentle eyes, but right now he looks beautiful, standing so still like a statue in the midday sunshine.

He notices me looking but doesn’t approach. I wonder if he was planning on just watching me leave and think maybe I shouldn’t say anything to him. Then I decide that I don’t care about his poignancy, and head toward him.

“You came to say goodbye,” I say as I walk up to him.

He shakes his head. “I came because I wanted to come with you.”

His words shock me. We’ve barely spoken for six months and now he’s telling me he wants to up and leave Fort Noix to be with me.

“You do?” I stammer.

He nods, his expression pained. “I did. But this was as far as I could go.”

I look him up and down, frozen to the spot as though with fear. The group of well-wishers are down by the shoreline. Ben’s PTSD has stopped him from getting any closer.

Once again, I feel guilty about leaving him here. He’s managed so far to just about present himself as well enough. He’s kept himself beneath the radar. But what if my leaving triggers something in him, makes him worse?

“Are you going to be okay, Ben?” I say.

He nods, but I can see tears glittering in his eyes. The sight of them makes my own emotions threaten to choke me. Ben’s been by my side more or less since Bree was kidnapped. We’ve been together through everything. The last six months as he’s pulled away from me has made me unaware of just much I will miss him.

Suddenly, I realize how much of a jerk I’ve been to Ben. I’ve been pushing him away for months, unable to deal with his detached, grief-stricken ways. I’d run to Ryan like a moth to a flame, wanting to be with someone who wasn’t so damaged, to have a friendship where for once I didn’t have to be the strong one. Bree’s right. I am an idiot.

I fly into Ben’s arms and hold him tightly, so tightly I can feel his heart beating against my chest.

“Come with me,” I whisper into his ear. “Please.”

He shakes his head. “I wish I could,” he replies, his voice tremulous. “You have no idea how much I wish I could.”

I pull away from the embrace, feeling like my heart is splintering into a thousand pieces.

“Look after Bree,” I say, quickly wiping the tears from my eye.

Then I turn and head back to the boat.

“You ready?” Ryan asks, offering his hand to help me into the boat.

I don’t take it, just step onto the boat beside him.

“Let’s do this,” I say.

We raise the sails together. I yank on the coarse lines and already my palms are burning; it takes more power to raise the sails than I’d imagined. They rise slowly, one foot at a time, and I must use all the leverage of my body to get them up. Molly helps beside me, while Ryan leans over the hull and raises the anchor. Zeke secures the lines and turns the rudder, and a moment later, I experience the most incredible feeling: we are moving. The wind catches our sail, and foot by foot we begin to leave shoreline and gain momentum.

I look back, taking one long, last look. I wonder if I will ever see this place again. My heart aches from my goodbye with Ben, from knowing I can never come back.

“Look, Brooke,” Molly says.

I see all the people amassing on the shore, standing on the banks, saluting. The four of us salute back. I wish my dad could see me now.

We stand there, saluting each other, as the boat drifts farther and farther away. Then, farther down the shoreline, we see another group of people. It’s the Forest Dwellers. They wave, clap, and cheer. I see that Trixie is there at the front, her giant bunny in her arms. The sight of her reminds me why I am doing this; to make the world safer for everyone.

We wave back, feeling like superstars. The sounds of the cheers make me smile.

That’s when I notice that one person isn’t waving or smiling like the others. It’s Bree. She’s standing beside Trixie, with Charlie clutching her arm on the other side. She watches me, silently, her chin tipped up.

I let my waving hand drop. As the boat sails past, we continue to watch each other, our gazes locked together. I watch the figure of my little sister grow smaller and smaller as the distance between us lengthens. I watch until she is nothing more than a smudge on the horizon. My heart breaks as it never has, as I am filled with waves of self-doubt and guilt.

Then I turn around and face the open water, ready to take on the rest of my life.

Ready to find my father.

PART TWO

CHAPTER TEN

Ryan sits in the stern, steering the boat, Jack beside him, paws up on the rail, his tongue lolling. I lean back, letting the wind catch in my hair, tousling it behind me. It is surprisingly windy and because of the speed, the wind is bracingly cold. My nose is stinging and my cheeks are frozen.