All You Need Is Kill

The sky over the No. 1 Training Field was as clear the 160th time as it had been the first. The ten o’clock sun beat down on us without pity. PT had just ended, and the shadows pooled at our feet were speckled with darker spots of sweat.

I was a total stranger to this woman with rust-colored hair and skin far too pale for a soldier. Her rich brown eyes fixed on me.

“So you wanted to talk. What is it?”

I was out of time, and I was fresh out of bright ideas. I’d have been better off taking her aside before PT. Too late now.

I looked at Rita and said the same bit about green tea I had before. Hey, that didn’t go so bad this time, I thought. Maybe she’s not going to-oh, fuck.

Tears streamed down Rita’s cheeks and dripped from the point of her chin, then splashed as they landed in the palm of the hand I held out to catch them. I was still hot from exercising, but the tears burned like 20mm slugs. My heart was pounding. I was a junior high school student asking a girl to the dance. Not even battle pumped my blood pressure this much.

Rita clutched the bottom of my shirt, squeezing so tight the tips of her fingers were white. On the battlefield I could see every move coming before she made it, but here I was clueless. I’d programmed myself to dodge a thousand Mimic attacks with ease, but what good was my OS when I really needed it? My mind wandered, looking for an out. I wondered if my shirt was sweaty where she was grabbing it.

The last time, I had stood like a park statue until Rita regained her composure and spoke. Maybe after ten more trips through the loop this would all be routine. I’d know just what to say to soothe her as I held her gently against my shoulder. But that would mean reducing my interactions with the one and only person in the world who understood me to a rote performance. Something told me it was better to just stand there and take it.

Yonabaru was gaping at us like a tourist in a zoo gapes at a bear who has suddenly stood up and begun to waltz. At least I’d finally found a situation that would shut him up. Ferrell politely averted his eyes, but only halfway. And that was more or less how the rest of the platoon behaved. Fuck me. I was the dancing bear. Don’t stare. Don’t say anything. Just throw your money in the can and move along.

What was it you were supposed to do when you were nervous- picture everyone naked? No, that was for speaking in public. In training they taught us to hold ourselves together by thinking of something we enjoyed. Something that made you happy. In battle, this would probably be one of those happy things to think back on, so why was it so nerve-racking now? If God had an answer, He wasn’t talking.

I took Rita by the wrist. She looked lost.

“I’m Keiji Kiriya.”

“Rita. Rita Vrataski.”

“I guess I should start with ‘Nice to meet you.’”

“Why are you smiling?”

“I dunno. Just happy, I guess,” I said.

“You’re an odd one.” Rita’s face softened.

“Let’s make a break for it.” My eyes glanced over her shoulder. “My two o’clock. You ready?”

Rita and I sprinted away, leaving the men on the field scratching their heads. We slipped past the chain link fence bordering the training grounds. The breeze blowing off the sea was cool against our skin. For a while we ran for running’s sake. The coastline lay far off to our left, cobalt-blue waters spreading beyond the meaningless barricade of barbed wire that lined the beach. The ocean still blue because we had fought to keep it that way. A patrol boat cutting a course parallel to our own trailed a white wake along the sharp line that divided sea and sky.

The deep shouts of the soldiers faded. The only sounds were the roar of the sea, the faraway shuffling noises of military boots on concrete, my too-loud pounding heart, and the sigh of Rita’s breath.

I came to an abrupt halt and stood dumbly, just as I had before we started running. Rita couldn’t cut her speed in time and came crashing into me. Another OS slip-up. I took a few awkward steps. Rita stumbled as she regained her balance. We held on to each other to keep from falling. My arm was wrapped around Rita’s body and hers around mine.

The impact risked breaking any number of regulations. Her toned flesh pressed against me like reactive armor. A pleasant scent assaulted my senses. Without my Jacket, I was defenseless against any stray chemicals that chanced into the air.

“Uh, excuse me.” Rita was the first to apologize.

“No, my bad. I shouldn’t have stopped.”

“No. I mean, excuse me, but-” she said.

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m not trying to apologize. It’s just-would you mind letting go of my hand?”

“Ah-” A red ring stood out on Rita’s wrist where my fingers had gripped her skin. “Sorry.”