Aliss at the Fire

and she sees Aliss rub Kristoffer’s back again and again and she looks at the window and she sees herself standing there looking out the window, and she’s always standing there, why does she always have to stand there? there’s no reason for her to stand there? she thinks and then she hears that Kristoffer is breathing evenly now and she sees Aliss stand up and go out the kitchen door and she looks at Kristoffer and then she puts her arms around him and then she hugs Kristoffer close and then she rubs and she rubs his back and then she lightly strokes his hair and then she again sees herself standing there in front of the window and looking out, and she has been standing there so long now, almost motionless, she has stood there in front of the window, she thinks and she thinks, standing there in front of the window, that now he really does have to come home soon, why doesn’t he come home? and it’s so cold out, windy, and raining, and why doesn’t he come home? she thinks, and there, out there in the middle of the fjord, did she see something? no, nothing, she probably just imagined it? she thinks, but now she will probably have to go out soon and look for him, she thinks, because she can’t just stand here like this, in front of the window, and he can’t really have gone out in his boat in this weather? or can he? no, he couldn’t have, she thinks, but there, down there on the shore, isn’t that a fire she sees there? no it can’t be, on this dark evening, late in November, in the rain and the wind, but still that really is a fire she’s seeing, isn’t it? she thinks, it is, it’s a fire, and now she has to go look for him, whether she wants to or not, she thinks and she turns around and she walks across the room and she thinks that now she really will have to go look for him soon and he thinks that he really has to go inside soon, he thinks, standing there in the yard and looking at the front step, big and broad, lying there heavy in the light outside, and in this weather he can’t just stay standing around outside, he thinks, it’s windy and raining, it is, and it’s cold, too cold to stay outside, and what’s wrong with him? he thinks, why can’t he just go inside? what is it, why is he still waiting? what’s stopping him? what is it? he thinks and he opens the front door and the doorknob is loose, two screws are missing and the other three are loose, and he needs to fix that, he thinks, but it’s been like that for so long already, for years, he thinks, and he has thought that he needed to fix it so many times, he thinks, he thought it over and over again but it always just stays the way it is, he’ll probably never do anything about it until the doorknob falls off and is lying on the front step, he thinks and he walks into the hall and the old walls there settle into place all around him and say something to him, the same way they always have, he thinks, it’s always like that, whether he notices it and thinks about it or not the walls are there, and it is as if silent voices are speaking from them, as if a big tongue is there in the walls and this tongue is saying something that can never be said with words, he knows it, he thinks, and what it’s saying is something behind the words that are usually said, something in the wall’s tongue, he thinks, and he stands there and looks at the walls, no, what is wrong with him today? why is he being like this? he thinks, and he puts his hand flat on the wall, and it seems like the wall is telling him something, he thinks, something that can’t be said but that is, just is, he thinks, and it’s almost like he is touching a person, he thinks, almost like something is being said the way something is said when you touch someone, he thinks and he strokes the wall and there is almost a caress in his fingers running over the old brown paneling and then he hears footsteps and he pulls his hand back and then he sees the door from the room open and there she is standing in the doorway

It’s good that you’re home, Signe says

I, I was so worried about you, she says

Yes you know how I am, she says

and he says that he just went for a little walk out on the big road, that’s all, he says and he looks down, looks up again at her standing there holding the door open, and she says he must not have gone out onto the fjord and he says no, not in this weather, it’s too windy, and the rain, and it’s dark too, he says

But you, Signe says

and the worry in her voice mixes with the silent calm in the wall’s voice

Yes, Asle says

But you said you would, Signe says

I guess I did but I changed my mind, I just took a walk on the big road, Asle says

and she says that’s good, since, yes, when the wind is blowing like it is now, and it’s dark, and it’s so cold, yes, he is likely to row out onto the fjord anyway, no matter what the weather is, he, she says, but it’s cold and they shouldn’t let the heat out of the room, she has warmed it up nicely, she says, so now he should come inside, she says