Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

“Technically, that’s not true,” the Castle replied. “Master William visited the library before he left. He told me to guard it, that it was the most important room in the entire castle. But since then, you are correct.”

They turned a corner and saw a gigantic wooden door, labeled with tarnished brass letters that spelled out “BIBLIOTHECA.” To either side of the door stood a statue of a solid-looking young lady carrying an axe in one hand and a large lantern in the other. Evidently the artist had thought that these accoutrements were stylish enough that the ladies could skip any other semblance of clothing.

Agatha smiled. “Well, I appreciate you letting me get here so easily.” With that, the lanterns the statues carried began to glow along with their eyes, and with a grinding sound, the two statues turned their heads to look at them.

The Castle chuckled. “It will only be easy if you are an actual Heterodyne.”

The statue on the left hefted its axe. When it spoke, its voice was eerie and whispered. “One must die—”

The other statue continued smoothly, “—so another may pass.” The axes were lifted and the blades began shifting back and forth between Agatha and Moloch. The statue on the right whispered, “You must decide who must die—”

The statue on the left continued, “—so that one of you may pass.”

Moloch shrieked and dropped to his knees. Agatha thought furiously. “I choose…” Then she pointed to the statue on the right. “Her!”

Instantly, the blade of the left-hand statue flashed out and smashed the head of the other statue. Ceramic and clockwork exploded into fragments. The right-hand statue shuddered once and then slumped into stillness. The statue on the left then paused. “Wait a minute…”

Agatha nodded. “Excellent. That secures passage for my companion.” She indicated Moloch, who was staring at the smoking stature with an open mouth. She then stepped forward. “Do we have to play the same little game to secure my passage?”

The eyes of the statue flicked from Agatha, to the other statue, to Moloch, to the other statue, to its axe, to Agatha… and then it stepped back and the shaft of its axe slammed into place on the floor.

“Test passed!” it declared, and then its eyes went dark.

“Well,” Agatha said, “that was a lot easier than I thought it would be.”

Moloch shuddered. “The horrible thing is that I know you’re serious.” He then walked up to the large double doors. “So this is the library. How is this going to help? It’s just a bunch of stupid books.”

The Castle was clearly offended. “These books contain the secrets of the Heterodyne family.”

“What, like A Thousand and One Ways to Kill People?”

The Castle chuckled, “Oh, there’s far more than that.”

Agatha, meanwhile, had been tugging and pushing at the great brass and onyx handle with no success. “The door’s locked.”

The Castle paused. “The door is not locked.”

Moloch put down the supplies and gave the handle a twist. It clicked but nothing happened. He looked for hinges, and seeing none, gave a shove with his shoulder. The door shifted slightly.

“That’s your problem,” he announced. “I’ll bet the doorframe’s warped. The door is just stuck.”

“It always sticks a bit,” the Castle agreed.

Something about the way the Castle said this set off an alarm bell in Agatha’s mind. Nothing she could put her finger on, but…

“Stand back,” Moloch said, hunching his shoulders, “One good smack oughta do it.” He then launched himself at the door.

“Wait,” Agatha yelled. It couldn’t stop him, but Moloch did manage to check himself in mid-rush, which is why he grabbed hold of the great handle as the door burst open. This prevented him from sailing freely out into open space. It did not, however, prevent him from screaming.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” the Castle chuckled.

“There’s no library here!” Agatha looked down onto a rubble-strewn courtyard several stories down. “There’s nothing here at all!”

“Yes!” Von Zinzer yelled. “Lots of nothing! Help me!”

Agatha leaned out and managed to get a tenuous grip upon some of the door’s brasswork. She braced herself and slowly began to swing it closed with her fingertips. Finally Moloch got close enough that his feet could touch the stone sill and he lunged back inside, sprawling onto the floor and taking deep breaths. Agatha stared out at the open area.

“This is another test.” She waved her hand outwards. “The library is here, isn’t it?” “Very good,” the castle said approvingly. “The door you seek is right in front of you.”

Agatha stared out again and squinted. Nothing. Suddenly, her depth of focus shifted slightly and she saw, tucked into the far wall approximately fifty meters away, a small, unassuming opening. She pointed. “That’s it? Over there? What, am I supposed to fly to it?”

Again the Castle chuckled. Moloch pulled himself into as small a ball as possible. “Flying is not necessary. But I do insist on a leap of faith.”