A Million Thoughts: Learn All About Meditation from a Himalayan Mystic

Let me use a metaphor to help you understand the cause of restlessness. Imagine you are walking through a shopping mall. You have a three-year-old toddler with you. He is happily holding your hand making you feel proud of his behaviour and obedience. Suddenly, he spots a candy store with flashing signs, attractive display, animated cartoon characters and everything else he could possibly fancy. He wants to go to the store. You, however, have other plans and want him to simply be with you. He insists on going in the direction of the candy store, you tell him otherwise. His efforts intensify, so does your grip on him. He gets louder, and, your stance, more commanding. He is unmoving and you are unyielding. He gets agitated, decides to lie down on the floor and starts throwing tantrums. At that point in time, you have four choices:

Let him throw tantrums while you feel somewhat embarrassed in the public.

Try to pacify him with the promise of taking him there in the future.

Take him to the candy store and get him the candies.

Overpower him, lift him and rush to the parking lot.

It is not a desirable situation and none of the options seem to be pleasant. This is exactly what happens when your mind becomes restless. It starts to behave like the grumpy toddler. It tries all sorts of tricks to get its way.

What Causes Restlessness During Meditation

The interesting thing is that the mind does not become restless on its own during meditation. It is only when you try too hard to concentrate or force your mind to think a certain way (rather than gently guiding it), that the mind becomes restless. At that moment, it wants to break free of the obedience of posture, concentration and stability. A conditioned mind is not designed to operate according to you, it is strong enough to lead so that you follow what it wants. These are the natural tendencies of the mind because mind does not want to be told or controlled.

“I try very hard to control myself, my anger and my negative emotions but they always win over me,” a disciple once said to Buddha. “O Venerable One! How do I overcome this weakness of mine?”

Buddha ignored his question and kept moving. After a while, he sat down in lotus posture under a banyan tree and spoke, “I’m thirsty. Can you get me water from the river?”

Eager to serve his master, the disciple moved towards the river at once. Before he could lower the bowl and fill it, a man with a bullock cart started crossing the shallow river. The water became turbid. Dismayed, the disciple went back empty handed. “The water is muddy and unfit for drinking as a bullock cart just crossed the river.”

Buddha nodded. After a little while, he asked the disciple to try again. The water was still murky and he came back empty handed again. “It was less muddy,” he said, “but still unsuitable for drinking.”

Buddha maintained quietude for half an hour before instructing him to go back again. The disciple was pleased to find clear water this time, the mud and other particles had settled down. He filled the bowl with water and went back to the master. With utmost mindfulness, Buddha took a few sips. He put the bowl down and said, “You see, when the water became muddy, the easiest method to clean it was to let it be. Had you made any attempt to clear it at the time, it would have ended up getting worse. You just let it be, you simply waited and the mud settled down on its own. Other than patience, there was no effort. Similarly, when your mind is greatly disturbed just let it be. It’ll calm down, it’ll settle in due course, give it a little time, be patient.”

The Remedy

The best way to overcome restlessness is to stop meditating at that moment. Stay in the posture if you can but make no attempts to concentrate. Hold a little dialogue with yourself. Just relax. Stop all efforts to meditate. Take a deep breath. Get into a self- communion on any subject matter you like, not the one that will arouse you but something that will give your mind a break from the act of concentration. If restlessness still persists, just get up and take a break. Resume after some time.

We have to distract the toddler till we are past the candy store. When your mind is tired, give it rest, when it is restless, pacify it. Give it a bait, do not be too hard for too long. We are teaching it discipline, we want it to move according to you. Be patient. Calm it down. Restlessness is normal and pacification is an art, a skill. Have you ever seen an expert dog trainer? A good trainer knows when to reward versus reprimand, when to leash versus let loose, when to be soft versus strong. And, this is all there is to learn in meditation, that is, when to be firm with your mind versus when to let it roam free. It comes with practice. The more familiar you get with yourself, the more effective is your meditation.