A Dark, Distorted Mirror. Volume 5 : Among the Stars, like Giants. Part 4 : Hopes, Aspirations and Dreams

"Understand me. You will die if you try to fight alone. You may die if you try to fight beside me, but you will die fighting for a real cause, beneath a banner you can respect.

"I will speak with each of you in turn. Any who wish to reject me may do so. You will be permitted to leave. I will not stop you, but as I said before....

"The Alliance will find you, and they will destroy you. They will weigh you down with chains of order and they will claim all that you are. They will destroy all that you are, leaving nothing but bones and ashes and the occasional nightmare of what you once had.

"The choice is yours. You believe in freedom. You worship freedom.

"Enjoy that choice, for it is the last taste of freedom any of you will ever have."

* * *

"Who am I?"

No one seemed to recognise him, and he supposed he should not be surprised. He was not General John Sheridan, Shadowkiller, today. He was just a man, taking a holiday.

Or a sort of holiday.

"Who am I?" he asked himself again. It was a question that had been bothering him for a long time. Sinoval had simply managed to bring it into focus. Sinoval had forced him to confront it.

Sinoval. Now there was another problem that would have to be dealt with sooner rather than later. He could not be allowed to go running around the galaxy doing whatever he wanted. Sheridan had not heard much of what had happened at Centauri Prime, but what he had heard worried him. If....

No. Galaxy-shattering problems later. Personal problems today.

He leaned back in his seat, drumming his fingers on the armrest. The seat was not terribly comfortable, but then he was not expecting anything better. He supposed he might be able to sleep on the journey. He was actually looking forward to sleep without dreams.

Although he would miss Delenn's warm breath on his shoulder. Until he had slept alone in the Medlab he hadn't realised how much he missed the little things about being with her. They had been apart more often than together during their eventful relationship, but since the end of the war they had spent almost every night together. It was uncomfortable, being without her.

It was painful, being without her.

They had not made love in almost six months. They had hardly kissed properly — not as lovers, not even as people in love. Something dark and cold had come between them.

Was it just the war? Too many bad memories and bad dreams? A child dead, a world destroyed, friends scattered and broken, one compromise too many in the name of a greater good?

Or something else?

The Vorlons had used him, controlled and manipulated and propelled him in the direction they wanted. He might not have minded. They were order, after all, and the galaxy needed order. The Alliance was a noble aim and the Vorlons provided enough power and backing to hold it together until it was strong enough to manage on its own.

But if what Sinoval had said was true, they had manipulated him to leave Delenn to die on Z'ha'dum. If they had done that — and he was growing more and more sceptical of what Sinoval had told him — but if it was true, then no force on Heaven or Earth would keep them safe from his wrath.

It was ironic. He would go to war against a race of Gods, not for the freedom and sanctity of the galaxy, but to avenge a wrong against the woman he loved.

If he still loved her.

If he had ever loved her.

No, he had. Once, he had. He was sure of that. He was not sure if he had ever stopped, or when.

He sighed. At least Sinoval was fighting for what he perceived to be the greater good, even if there was more than just a hint of personal motive in there. What did that say about him personally?

"Who am I?"

There was no other passenger at his side. In fact, the shuttle was only half-full. That was just as well. He did not want anyone to recognise him, and wonder why the General in command of the Alliance fleet was going mad.

If he was going mad.

If he had ever been sane.

"Not who I want to be," he said firmly.

"Or perhaps, whoever I want to be."

He continued drumming his fingers on the armrest, waiting for the shuttle to depart for Minbar.

* * *

The Death of Worlds emerged from hyperspace, escorted by the Vorlon fleet. No one had ever seen such a planet killer before. The Vorlons had hidden a great deal from their servants.

The Vorlons reveal only what they choose to reveal. It was time for them to show the hammer of heaven, the hammer of the light.

You shall have no truck with the Shadow. Those who do shall suffer the cleansing fires. The fire of the Inquisition. The fire of the Network.

The fire of the Death of Worlds.

The Lords of Light cast a great shadow over Narn.

Chapter 2