9ddba8405c712dc705f6095a3ea49417

“Hey, Harriet,” I muttered. “What’s up?” Not that I was dying to know, but even though my purpose in life may be to raise the art of napping to new and greater heights, that still leaves me with a basic respect for the niceties of social interaction.

“Guess what? I’m making my big debut tonight! Yay me!”

“Debut?” I asked. “Debut as what?”

“As a singer and stage presence. I just found out Gran is performing at the Hampton Cove Star tonight, and when I told her about my great ambition to be a singer, she invited me to perform one song as part of her act. She’s been contracted to do two songs, and she’s graciously offering me part of her allotted time for my debut. Isn’t that just great?”

“Amazing,” I said, not the least bit interested. “Wonderful. Fantastic. Knock ‘em dead.”

“Who is she going to knock dead?” asked Dooley.

“It’s just an expression, Dooley,” I said.

Harriet looked annoyed.“You don’t have to be rude about it, Max,” she said. “Just because you don’t have any ambitions in life other than to lie on your flabby belly doesn’t mean you should be demeaning to the rest of us, who have a higher calling.”

“I’m not being demeaning,” I said. “I said knock em dead, didn’t I?”

“You’re obviously saying I sing so bad people will drop dead. Well, let me tell you—”

“Knock em dead is a commonly used expression in showbiz, Harriet. It means that you’ll do so well you’ll knock the audience off their feet. You’ll simply blow them away.”

“Oh,” she said, taken aback. “Well, thank you, Max. That’s very nice of you to say.”

“I’m doing backing vocals,” Brutus muttered, looking pained. “And in front of some of the greats in showbiz, too.” He smiled nervously. “Shouldn’t we rehearse, though, smoochie poo?”

“No need,” said Harriet decidedly. “Talent always shines through. Only talentless hacks rehearse. Real talent simply connects to the flow of divine genius and… dazzles.” She did the jazz paws thing to show us what she meant.

“Connect to the flow of divine genius and dazzle,” Brutus repeated, not looking entirely convinced. “Gotcha.”

“You are coming, aren’t you, Max? And you, Dooley” asked Harriet. “You have to see my debut. Or else you’ll whine and complain about it for the rest of your napping lives.”

“Sure,” I said, and Harriet smiled, then stalked off, tail high and her head even higher.

“Maybe one rehearsal?” I could hear Brutus say as they walked out into the backyard.

“No means no, Brutus. We’re stars. Stars don’t rehearse. It might jinx us.”

“No, no, of course,” he said. “You’re probably right.” His tail was down, though, which is never a good sign.

“So is Harriet going to be a big star now, Max?” asked Dooley. “And Brutus?”

“I doubt it, Dooley. It takes talent to be a star, and Harriet, regardless of her numerous other and very wonderful qualities, lacks the one thing that makes a great singer.”

“What is that?”

“She can’t sing.”

“Maybe people won’t notice?”

“Oh, I think people will notice.”

“So maybe you should tell her?”

“She wouldn’t believe me if I did. In fact she’ll probably get mad.”

“But won’t she make a fool of herself tonight?”

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the course of my life, Dooley,” I said, “it is that people can hardly tell the difference between a cat who can and a cat who can’t sing. To humans it all sounds the same: like caterwauling. And they rarely enjoy it. And as far as other cats are concerned, I think we’ll probably be the only cats present. The Mayor rarely invites felines to his shindigs and tonight won’t be an exception I’m afraid.”

“That’s too bad, Max. After all we are members of his community.”

“We’re members of this community but we’re not voters, Dooley. And we don’t pay taxes. So as far as the Mayor is concerned we simply don’t exist.”

“If I were able to vote I’d vote for you, Max.”

I laughed at this.“Max for mayor. Now wouldn’t that be something?”

But Dooley was serious.“I think you’d make a great mayor, Max.”

“Oh, Dooley. I’d make a terrible mayor. For one thing I can’t even sign my own name, and it’s hard to give an acceptance speech when no one in the audience understands what you’re saying. No, trust me, buddy. No cat will ever be mayor of this town. That’s one of those facts of life you better accept now or agonize about in silence forever.”

“Well, fine. But I still think you’d be great.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said with a smile. “I’ll tell you one thing, though. If I were voted mayor I’d make you my second-in-command. And maybe we’d finally outlaw all dogs in this town. Make Hampton Cove the first dog-free town in America.”

“See? Who wouldn’t vote for that?”

“Dogs, maybe?”

He thought about this for a moment.“No, you’re probably right. And if pets could vote, dogs would probably try to get a dog elected. And where would that leave us?”

“They’d probably turn Hampton Cove into the first cat-free town in America.”

Dooley shook his head sadly.“We simply can’t win, can we, Max?”

Chapter 19