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He thought about this for a moment, champing quietly. Then he nodded.“I think I get it, Max. Murder is too big a crime for Gran and Tex. What they want is a small crime. Just a little one. So how about a nice burglary? Or shoplifting? Or no, wait, I’ve got it!” He fixed me with a beaming smile. “Pickpocketing! We could say they picked our pockets!”

Harriet suppressed a chuckle, and so did Brutus. They gave me a look that said,‘Try and wriggle your way out of this one, Max.’ And I had to confess I was starting to regret using the prison ruse to cheer my friend up.

“Cats don’t have pockets to pick, Dooley,” said Harriet. “So that wouldn’t work.”

Once more, Dooley was plunged in thought, then finally his face cleared.“We’ll say Gran picked Tex’s pockets and Tex picked Gran’s pockets! Kill two stones with one bird!”

“The other way around, Dooley,” I said.

“Fine. We’ll say Tex picked Gran’s pockets and Gran picked Tex’s pockets.”

Well, it was a solution of a sort, and an elegant one, too. I didn’t have the heart to tell Dooley it was also unrealistic. So I pointed behind him. “Oh, my God, look at the size of that butterfly!”

“What, where?!” Dooley cried, swiveling his head like a whirligig.

“Darn it, you just missed it.”

And as Dooley scanned the horizon for the elusive giant butterfly, I shared a smile with Brutus and Harriet. Through long association with Dooley I’ve learned the best way to solve any tricky issue with my dear friend: the art of distraction. Works every time.

By the time Dooley had come to terms with the fact that he had missed this rare sighting, he’d forgotten all about his scheme to propel Gran and Tex to stardom.

And a good thing, too.

As the afternoon wore on and turned to dusk, the scent of meat sizzling on the grill and the soft chattering of our humans caused my eyes to gradually drift closed, and soon I was dozing peacefully. I would have told you I dreamt of accolades being showered on us for our detective work, of prizes being awarded by the town’s notables, or even the keys of the city being granted to the four of us. But if I’m absolutely honest with you—and when am I ever not?—I’d have to confess that all I dreamt about was a nice bowl of kibble, a soft pillow to stretch out on, my friends nearby, and my human gently stroking my fur.

Cats. So easy to please. And if anyone tells you differently, he’s probably a dog.

I awoke from my peaceful slumber when Dooley gave me a gentle prod in the ribs.

“What is it, Dooley?” I said, and when I opened my eyes found him staring at me.

“Max? You still haven’t told me.”

“Told you what, Dooley?”

“So… who is Beyonc??”

18. PURRFECT BOY TOY

Chapter 1

“But I don’twant to go to LA!”

“You’re going, whether you like it or not,” said Gran, giving me a hard look. “And so am I.”

“Um, I never said anything about you going to LA, Gran,” said Odelia.

“Of course I’m going,” Gran snapped. “You don’t think I’m going to let my favorite grandchild go off to that hellhole on her own, do you?”

“I’m your only grandchild, and I hardly think LA is a hellhole.”

Gran wagged a finger in her granddaughter’s face. “Everybody knows LA is one of the most dangerous places on the planet, full of gangs and movie stars and whatnot. And I’m not going to stand idly by while you land yourself in a steaming heap of trouble, missy.”

I would have pointed out that movie stars are not all that dangerous, but I had a feeling my words would fall on deaf ears. When Gran gets something in her noggin it’s hard to get it out. She definitely hadn’t listened when I told her in no uncertain terms I didn’t want to go on this impromptu trip, and neither did Dooley. Not that we don’t enjoy the occasional holiday, but we don’t like flying. The whole prospect of being cooped up inside an iron tube that hovers a couple of miles above the earth’s surface has never filled me with particular joy, and it certainly didn’t do so now.

“Gran, the invitation didn’t mention a plus-one, so I’m afraid—”

“Well, I’m not leaving you to fight this battle on your own, Odelia. Not on my watch.”

We were in Odelia’s living room, which, coincidentally, is also my living room, and Gran was standing her ground, even though technically this was Odelia’s ground. But then Gran considers any turf her own turf, so there’s that to consider.

“I’ll have to ask,” said Odelia dubiously, and took out her phone.

“Do that, and while you’re at it, double check if pets are allowed.”

Odelia nodded and held the phone to her ear.

I turned to Dooley, who had been following the negotiation with trepidation.

“I don’t want to go to LA, Max,” he said. “We have cat choir and my solo is coming up.”

“So is mine,” I said, “and I’m sure Odelia will realize that singing our solo is much more important than flying off to some godforsaken place called Los Angeles.”

“Can’t Chase go with her? I’m sure he’s much better equipped to deal with this case than we are. We don’t even know our way around this LA place.”