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Then I noticed Holly had crawled under the tree and was pawing at some presents.

‘No, Holly.’ I chastised.

‘Why?’

Oh goodness, it was going to be a very, very long day.

‘Holly, those presents are for other people, you’ll get your own presents on Christmas and your birthday.’ I said, keeping my paws crossed that the humans had got them something because as clever as I am, I am still not able to shop.

‘But the bow is so pretty.’ she said, pawing it again, and somehow managing to get her claws stuck. I looked at Snowball who went and helped Holly untangle herself. I smiled. The bow was a little scratched but I used my paw to turn it around so no one would notice. I then realised that, if this wasn’t going to go horribly wrong, I had to take charge. What I needed was a kitten sitting plan. And plans, after all, were my forte. Snowball went to get a drink of water whilst I had some serious thinking to do.

‘Alfie, are you still with us?’ Snowball asked. I realised that I had been thinking so hard I had zoned out.

‘Yes, I have a foolproof plan of keeping those kittens in line for the rest of their time here,’ I replied, feeling very pleased with myself.

‘Well, Alfie that’s great, but you might have to find them first.’ I blinked. The kittens were nowhere to be seen. Oh no, in my thinking I had taken my eyes off them. Which is never a good idea. I checked the tree, but they weren’t there. Thankfully the tree was in one piece and the presents were all there. I think a piece of tinsel might have been missing though…

We ran into the kitchen, even though Snowball had been there already. Although our food bowls were empty the kittens weren’t in there. We didn’t have to worry about them having gotten out as when they were here, Claire had closed the cat flap, which meant we were all housebound. I would normally mind, but not when it came to my grandkittens, although where on earth were they?

Snowball searched downstairs while I went upstairs. I soon found Holly, she was in Summer’s bedroom, trying to get into her old dressing up box. Although Summer now said she was too old for dressing up, she liked dressing the kittens up, so she kept the box. Holly was now trying to prise the lid open but she wasn’t able to.

‘Holly, downstairs now,’ I said.

‘But I want to dress up,’ she objected.

‘You can when Summer’s home, but now we have a very important task to do downstairs. Now my lovely, go to the living room and wait for me there. Oh and don’t do anything to the Christmas presents, or the tinsel,’ I said.

‘OK GrandCat Alfie,’ she replied sweetly, looking at me with her big eyes. I melted. One look and I would do anything for her, I almost tried to open the dressing up box myself. I managed to collect myself as Holly trotted off downstairs and I went to find her brothers.

I made my way to Claire and Jonathan’s room which should have been off-limits but Claire had forgotten to shut the door. Which was a mistake, as I found Santa lying on Jonathan’s cashmere jumper, leaving hair which would definitely be noticed. No doubt I would get the blame for that.

‘Santa, please get off that jumper.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it’s Jonathan’s and he’ll probably blame me and I’ll get a lecture about how precious and expensive cashmere is and then I’ll be miserable for a while.’

‘I didn’t understand half of that,’ Santa yawned.

‘Right well downstairs, I have an important thing going on in the living room, and Holly’s already there.’

‘Will it be fun?’ Santa asked.

‘Of course, it will be,’ I replied. ‘I always know how to have fun. Right, do you know where your brother is?’

‘Nah,’ Santa yawned again but he did at least get off the jumper and make his way downstairs.

So, having checked the bathroom I pushed the door to Toby’s room, and after searching under the bed, I heard Tiger. He was on top of Toby’s wardrobe. I blinked, here we go again I thought, I was scared of heights, which I know might not be normal for a cat but I discovered it when I was quite young and trying to woo Snowball, I climbed a tree and panicked. It wasn’t my finest hour, I had to get rescued by a fireman and I still haven’t lived it down. Snowball brings it up at least once a month in fact.

‘Oh Tiger,’ I said, ‘please come down.’

‘But GrandCat Alfie, it’s so much fun up here,’ he replied.

‘We have very important business downstairs, please.’ I crossed my paws that he could get down. I was constantly surprised by my kittens but as Tiger easily came down from the wardrobe I breathed a sigh of relief. Otherwise, I would have had to send Snowball up there to get him…

They all sat on the sofa, in a line, as if pilchards wouldn’t melt in their mouths. Snowball had taken the armchair and I was on the ground trying to exert some kind of authority.

‘This is a game, it’s a quiz on being a cat. I ask you a question and then you have to run up and down the room, come back and give me the answer.’

‘That’s a game?’ Santa asked.

‘Do we win a prize?’ Holly asked.