57aacbcd9598439b495cce0c68035a7c

Humans. They’re nuts. But what are you gonna do?

And we sat there watching men building castles out of sand, women jumping over waves, kids filling buckets and then pouring them out again and other humans engaging in other equally pointless activities when suddenly there was some kind of altercation not far from where we sat.

“Hey,” Dooley said, giving me a nudge. “Isn’t that Grandma Poole?”

Grandma Poole’s name isn’t actually Poole but Muffin. Vesta Muffin. But for convenience’s sake everyone calls her Grandma Poole. Sounds a lot better than Grandma Muffin. I glanced over to where Dooley was pointing. An elderly woman and an elderly man were lying on a beach towel, hugging and kissing. And from what I could see, there was some nekkid involved.

“Are you sure? I don’t think Gran would ever—oh, heck, you’re right. It’s Gran, all right.”

“Of course it’s Gran. Do you really think I wouldn’t recognize my own human? But what is she doing, Max?”

“Um…” Now this was going to be awkward. “Remember whenBasic Instinct was on television the other night? And Odelia switched it off because there were parts that she felt uncomfortable to let us watch?”

“Oh, yes. That was way weird, huh? Some woman in some bed with some man and then suddenly there was a knife and then the woman had no clothes on?”

“Yes, that was way weird. Well, the same thing is happening with Grandma Poole right now. So I think we better not watch, Dooley.”

“You think watching it will be bad for us, Max?”

“It might be bad for our sense of taste,” I said.

We weren’t the only ones who’d noticed the frolicking old folks. Some parents close to the couple were averting their children’s eyes, while one guy was brazenly filming everything with his smartphone. Then a few irate parents approached the nearest lifeguard, who got on the phone.

“Uh-oh,” I said. “Looks like Gran’s in trouble.”

“You mean Odelia will be cross with her?”

“I think everyone will be cross with her.” Not that she’d mind. Gran doesn’t care. She does whatever she wants and listens to no one. She’s a free spirit who gets more and more out of control with each passing year. At least that’s what Odelia’s mom Marge always says. I don’t know if it’s true. Seems to me that when you’re as old as Gran, most people give you a free pass. But not today. As we watched, a police vehicle trundled up.

“Are the police going to arrest Gran?” Dooley asked.

“Looks like it. Though I’m sure that once they realize she’s the Chief’s mother, they might reconsider.”

“Why is that?”

“Because if they’re like most people, they like to hang on to their jobs.”

“You mean Uncle Alec will fire them if they arrest Gran?”

“Maybe not fire them outright, but he’ll definitely reprimand them.”

“What’s reprimand?”

“What you get when what you do isn’t what others think you should do.”

“You mean like when Brutus and Harriet got together and I didn’t like it?”

“Exactly like that.”

“I should have reprimanded Brutus.”

“He would have beaten you.”

“I can never win, can I?”

“Nope. That’s why we snitch on Brutus so Odelia can reprimand him.”

We watched as the officers approached Gran and her gentleman friend. Gran was talking very loudly, as if offended that anyone would be offended. Her friend just sat there, looking like the Sphinx of Giza. Yes, I watchNational Geographic. And theDiscovery Channel.

“Looks like they’re reprimanding Gran,” Dooley said. “And she’s reprimanding them.”

“And here’s Chief Alec to reprimand them all,” I said.

The Chief and Odelia had driven up in the Chief’s squad car and parked just next to our bench. He quickly descended the few steps to the beach and trudged through the powdery sand, looking none too happy.

Odelia joined us on the bench.

“So what happened?” she asked.

“Well, it was just like inBasic Instinct,” Dooley said. “But without the knife. And when Max told me to look away, I did,” he quickly added.

Odelia laughed.“Good for you. Watching that could have scarred you for life.”

Dooley’s eyes went wide. “You think so?”

“Didn’t I tell you? She’s a doctor,” I said. “She knows.”

Dooley gulped.“Good thing I looked away when I did. My health isn’t what it used to be and I don’t think I should take any chances right now.”

“I’m not a doctor, Max,” Odelia said.

“No, but your dad is, and that kind of thing runs in the family,” I said, desperately winking at her in the hope she would catch my drift.

She arched an eyebrow.“Oh, I see what you mean. Because I said Dooley is in perfect health, right?”

“Right!” I said, nodding.

“What’s wrong with your eye, Max?” Dooley asked worriedly.

“Oh, just a twitch,” I said. “I get it from time to time.”

“You shouldn’t have watched Gran and that old man,” he scolded me. “Now see what you’ve done. Your eye will never be the same.”

Odelia leaned in and took a look at my eye.“Mh,” she said with a faux-serious look on her face. “I think I’ll be able to save it, Max.”