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Clarice shrugged.“I was hanging out at the Lodge, like I usually do, when Dieber showed up with his entourage. He needed a weekend to decompress after playing a grueling show, and decided the Lodge was the place to do it. His entourage left, and he stayed behind all by himself. And that’s when we struck up a firm friendship. I would keep him company as he contemplated fate and his place in the world, and he would feed me the best damn cat food I’ve ever tasted in my entire life. Actual raw steak, the most delicious fish filets you can imagine, prime ribs…” Her eyes softened. “I think for the firsttime in my life I was in love.”

“With the prime ribs?” asked Dooley.

“With a human, doofus. The guy has a way with cats. Never thought I’d ever feel that way about any human again but Charlie managed the impossible. When his retreat was over, he told me he wanted to adopt me, and I decided to let him.”

“But I thought you loved your life!” I said. “Roaming around—listening to no one. Carving your own path…”

“Yeah, that all sounds great until you’ve actually lived it. Trust me, it’s not much fun having to scrounge around for food all day long. Much easier to have some dude like Dieber provide it for you.” She darted a quick look at me. “I get you now, Max. I mean, I know I’ve made fun of you in the past. Calling you a pansy-assed namby-pamby yellow-belly sissy, but I can see the allure of living with a human who truly cares about you. It’s a pretty sweet deal.”

“A Dieber Babe,” I repeated. “I just—”

“What?” she asked, her eyes suddenly flashing darkly. “You gonna judge me? Huh?”

I quickly held up a peaceable paw.“Oh, no. Of course not. No judgments, Clarice. Uh-uh. I think you look great. Doesn’t she look great, Dooley?”

“You look amazing,” Dooley said.

Clarice smiled—the first time I’d ever seen her smile. “Thanks. I feel great. In fact I haven’t felt this great in ages.”

“Do you… still catch mice though, and enjoy the occasional rat?” I inquired.

She laughed.“Sure. When you’ve got your own private chef all you want to do is gobble up a few stinking rats.”

“You’ve got your own private chef?” asked Dooley, eyes wide.

“Nothing but the best is good enough for Dieber’s Babes,” she said with a grin.

I had to hand it to her. She’d struck gold. And I was happy for her. I really was. Then again… Did she still have what it took to get rid of a certain nasty feline intruder?

“We were actually looking for you, Clarice,” I said, deciding to get down to brass tacks. “Diego has been pestering us again, and I was wondering—”

“Well, talk of the devil,” Clarice said, darting a pointed look behind us.

Even before I’d turned around, Diego’s silky voice already rang out. “Well, who do we have here? Looks like the gang’s back together again. Clarice—always a pleasure.”

“The pleasure is all yours,” she said with a menacing glance at the new arrival.

When I finally laid my eyes on Diego, I saw he wasn’t alone. “Harriet!” I cried. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Max. Try to keep up,” said the pretty Persian with a flash of annoyance in her green eyes. “Diego and I were invited to join Dieber’s party. The real question is: what areyou doing here?”

“Odelia brought us here,” I said, raising my chin in a gesture of defiance.

“Not one of those silly murder investigations again,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “When is Odelia finally going to see that cats aren’t outfitted to play amateur sleuth?”

Her words were so outrageous I had a hard time coming up with a response.

“I thought you liked sleuthing, Harriet,” said Dooley, giving her a somber look.

“Oh, I liked it well enough when it was all fun and games, but now it’s turned into something much more sinister and I, for one, want nothing more to do with the dreadful business.” She brushed a whisker. “All that death and decay. It’s so depressing.” She batted her eyes at Diego. “Brutus is very much into all of that stuff. Good thing you’re not, Diego.”

Diego visibly shivered.“You’re absolutely right, babe. One shouldn’t get too mixed up in the affairs of men. Let them deal with their homicidal maniacal tendencies all by themselves. Us cats should rise above that terrible habit of slaying one’s brethren.”

“Well spoken, darling,” said Harriet. “You’re so smart.”

“And you’re so beautiful.”

“Oh, you’re too sweet.”

“Most beautiful babe ever. Yes, you are.”

“Ooh. Kissy kissy, darling.”

The cloying scene was too much for me, and I decided to remove myself before I threw up my breakfast. And as I was walking away, I saw to my surprise how Dieber himself approached, his eyes focused on but one thing: the white Persian we all knew as Harriet.

Chapter 10