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“We already lost twenty thousand followers after that last video of you on that surf simulator. How are you going to save the planet by learning how to surf, Oren?!”

“We’ll find new followers—better ones!”

“Oh, come on. We’re a joke right now—you’re a joke.”

“Speak for yourself,” her partner grunted.

“What’s our main purpose, Oren? Why did we set up our vlog in the first place?”

“Well, to raise awareness for the plight of our planet through… through…”

“Through what? You have no idea, Oren! No clue!”

“Please let’s all try to stay calm,” said Garth, holding up his hands like a judge trying to quieten a courtroom. He probably wished he had a gavel right now.

“You’re destroying us, Oren! And you’re destroying the planet!”

“Oh? And how are you going to save the planet when we’re broke? Huh?”

“So you’re broke?” asked Odelia.

Both influencers looked up.“Um…” said Oren. “I wouldn’t say we’re broke, exactly.”

“We’re broke,” said Chiquita, folding her arms across her chest. “We spent our entire savings on this cruise, and if we don’t make some money it’ll be the end ofA Good Planet with Oren and Chiquita.” And judging from the angry glances she directed at her partner, it was safe to say it would also be the end of Oren and Chiquita as a couple.

“She doesn’t look happy, Max,” said Dooley.

“I think that’s because she’s disappointed in Oren, Dooley,” I said.

“Too bad. They should ask Odelia and Chase for some honeymooning tips. They could tell them that the trick is to kiss a lot.”

“I don’t think right now is the time to talk to these two about kissing a lot.”

“Okay,” said Garth. “So if you’re broke, a diamond worth twenty million would be your saving grace, am I right?”

The two influencers goggled at the security officer.

“You thinkwe did this?” asked Oren.

“You can’t be serious,” said Chiquita.

“It’s a lot of money,” said Garth.

Chiquita nodded.“I know it’s a lot of money, but we would never—”

“—ever—”

“—never do a thing like that.”

“You have to believe us, sir,” said Oren. “We’re notmurderers.”

“Or thieves.”

“So you wouldn’t mind if we searched you right now?” asked Garth. “And asked you to open that backpack?”

“No, of course not,” said Oren.

“Search away,” said Chiquita.

And as Odelia searched Chiquita, and Chase provided the same courtesy to Oren, they both came up empty-handed.

“They could have swallowed that stone,” said Dooley. “They could have swallowed it and could be monitoring their bowel movements, waiting until it pops out again.”

“If that’s the case,” I said as I marveled at the brilliance of his words, “we have no way of knowing, Dooley. And no way of catching them either.”

“Unless we check their poop.”

“I don’t think Garth is authorized to check his customers’ poop.”

“How long does it take for a diamond to make its way through the human digestive tract, Max?”

“Um… I’m sure I don’t know, Dooley. But I’m guessing not more than a day or two?”

“So? We simply lock all these people up for two days, monitor their bowel movements, and we’ll know. Easy!”

Somehow, though, I had a feeling the ship’s captain, or even the cruise line management, whoever they were, wouldn’t wholeheartedly embrace this idea.

14

Next up were Mrs. and Mr. Kettering, the parents of the girl with the kleptomaniac tendencies. The girl had joined her parents but wasn’t looking too happy at being interviewed over yet another incident, and this one even more serious than the last.

“I didn’t do it,” she stated straight out of the gate. “Whatever you say, I didn’t have nothing to do with this. I mean, seriously? Cutting a diamond out of a person’s head? You have to be seriously sick to pull a stunt like that.”

“Isn’t kleptomania a kind of disease, Max?” asked Dooley.

“I believe it is, Dooley, yes,” I said with a smile.

“Ruby is right, inspector,” said the girl’s mom. “She couldn’t have done it, since we all share the same cabin, and if she’d left in the middle of the night I would have noticed.”

Odelia was studying what looked like a floor plan of our corridor with the different cabins clearly marked.“So you’re in cabin thirty-two—a two-bedroom unit.”

“That’s right. And as you can clearly see, Ruby sleeps in the smallest of the two bedrooms, so if she would have left the cabin, she would have had to come through the main bedroom, and since I’m such a light sleeper, I would have heard her.”

“We searched your cabin this morning,” said Garth, “while you were having breakfast, and we found something in Ruby’s room.”

“You searched our cabin?” asked Charles Kettering, blinking rapidly. “But–but–but… is that even allowed?”

“Isn’t that against the law?” asked Cynthia Kettering.

“I can assure you that it’s perfectly legal,” said Garth, as he held up the plastic bag with the white cloth covered in some kind of red substance.

“Blood, Max!” Dooley cried. “Look, it’s blood! She did it! Ruby killed the rapper!”

“But… that’s my Chanel T-shirt,” said Mrs. Kettering.

“So you identify this T-shirt as belonging to you, Mrs. Kettering?” asked Garth.