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It was one of those rare events, a unique occasion that happens only once in a lifetime: the coming together of three choirs. One consisting of the angelic voices of St. Theresa Choir, one consisting entirely of cats (yes, you read that right: cats!) and one with only dogs as its members.

The evening promised to be an exciting one when all three choirs, and the small orchestra that had been engaged by Father Francis Reilly to accompany them, took the stage in St. John’s Church on Saturday night.

The pews were filled to capacity, and extra chairs had to be brought out from Town Hall to accommodate the crowd. Hampton Cove had been abuzz with excitement for days, and finally the night had come for the big event to take place. Mayor Charlene Butterwick had announced that the proceeds of the event would be matched by the town council, and Francis Reilly had promised the entire sum would be donated to the Vesta Muffin Animal Shelter, recently set up by Mayor Butterwick and Chief of Police Alec Lip.

While the violinists were tuning their instruments and an anticipatory buzz of excitement was shared by the spectators, an electric hum hung in the air—history was clearly in the making here. Reporters from some of the big New York newspapers had graced the event with their presence, and even a WLBC-9 camera crew was present.

And so the hour was finally upon us, and the concert could commence. Yoko Bricknell, St. Theresa Choir’s young new conductor, tapped her conductor stand briefly with her baton, and the hubbub quickly died down. But before the first note sounded, out of the blue a small but feisty dog suddenly let out a sharp and ear-shattering bark.

The dog, which later was identified to this reporter as a Shih Tzu, answering to the name Sugar, suddenly seemed to realize that he was in the presence of… cats. Lots and lots of cats. And he didn’t seem to enjoy the prospect so much as to revel in it.

The little doggie trembled with excitement, his tail pointing straight up into the air like an antenna, and then he was yapping away, as loud as you please. His owner, Janette Bittiner, tried to shush him, but Sugar wouldn’t be appeased quite so easily.

He seemed to have singled out one particular cat to expend his ire on, and now made a beeline for this particular feline. This cat, a gorgeous large-bodied blorange tabby named Max (full disclosure: Max belongs to the writer of this piece) didn’t wait for Sugar’s arrival but raced full-speed away in the direction of the audience, presumably hoping to find cover amongst the dozens of human legs from this canine menace.

Unfortunately Sugar is a small and agile little creature, and he had no trouble keeping up with Max, who, in a desperate attempt to get away, jumped up onto the lap of Ida Baumgartner, then took a great leap at one of the drapes church decorators had put up. The drape, not designed to carry the weight of Max, who weighs in at twenty pounds, unfortunately came collapsing down in a heap onto the audience below, and so did Max.

Sugar, momentarily stunned by this setback, quickly recovered, and resumed the chase. More dogs now followed the example set by their small but fierce friend, and started chasing more cats. And before long, the church was filled with the sounds not of heavenly voices singing heavenly tunes but loud barking and snarling and the caterwauling and screeching of dozens of cats.

Some members of the audience had had enough at this point, and headed for the doors, and soon a stampede broke out, and things got a little ugly there for a while.

Father Reilly, treated for multiple scratches to the arms and legs, later explained that he’d tried to grab one of the dogs, in an effort to save his cat Shanille from harm, and had been attacked by the vicious canine, who hadn’t appreciated this act of meddling.

Max, the cat whose pursuit by Sugar started the mel?e, was found hiding in the pulpit, along with his friend Dooley. And even though shaken, I can confirm to the many readers who’ve written in and inquired after his health, that he’s fine, as are all of the other cats. The dogs, though, didn’t escape unscathed. Multiple scratches had to be treated by Vena Aleman, the well-known veterinarian, who’d fortunately been present at the concert. She declared, when asked to comment, that “Only a total idiot would put two dozen dogs and three dozen cats in the same room and expect them to hold paws and sing Kumbaya.”

Vesta Muffin (full disclosure: she’s this reporter’s grandmother) commented that she’d rooted for the cats, and that the cats had won the match fair and square, and if the dogs wanted a rematch, they could get one and she’d be happy to referee—for a fee.

Francis Reilly would like to add that people can get a refund or they can opt to have the money donated to the Animal Shelter. He also would like it to be known that this will be the last time St. Theresa Choir joins forces with Hampton Cove’s cat and dog choirs.