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Uncle Alec directed a meaningful look at Chase, who reciprocated with a satisfied look of his own, before shooting a triumphant look at Odelia, who returned it with a confident look that said:‘See? Trust me, you guys. I know what I’m doing here.’

“No way is this man ever going to confess,” said Dooley, striking the discordant note. “Because he didn’t do it, and why would anyone confess to something they didn’t do? That would be crazy.”

“I think he’s going to confess right now,” I told my friend as we watched Raban being escorted to his cell. “He’s going to confess to his priest, and we’ll all be listening.”

26

Raban Pacoccha was in his cell, spilling his guts, as Odelia had anticipated. A small camera in the corner of the room filmed the whole thing, and in the next room Uncle Alec sat, along with Chase and Odelia and of course Dooley and me, feline witnesses.

Father Reilly was the confessor, listening intently to his confessee, as did we.

“I need to get this off my chest, Father,” said Raban as he looked pained. He was rocking back and forth again, clearly experiencing some form of mental anguish. Then again, when a man kills a woman, it’s bound to eat away at him. Also, I’ve heard that drug addicts can get a little antsy when they haven’t had their fix in a while.

“Please do, my son,” said Father Reilly in unctuous tones as he placed a fatherly hand on the young gardener’s back. “Please don’t hold back and tell me everything. You’ll feel much better once you’ve unburdened your soul.”

“I did it,” said Raban, and Odelia and Chase shared a high-five at this.

“You did what?” asked Father Reilly.

“I’ve taken a leap of faith and I’m ready now.”

“Ready for what, my son?”

“Ready to confess,” Uncle Alec grunted.

“Ready to build that spaceship and fly to the moon, of course,” said Raban. “I’ve been wanting to go for a long time, Father, and I’m finally in a position where if I wait much longer I’ll lose my nerve. So I’m going to step on board of that rocket and take off.” He made a flying gesture with his hand. “Pheeeeeew. Just like that. I’m going to set up my colony there, and be the first man to populate the moon. I’m taking my harem, of course.”

“Your… harem?”

“Sure. Every man going to the moon has to have a harem. I’m taking my entire harem, and together we’ll populate the moon with my offspring. Can you imagine, Father?” he said with a gentle smile. “Little Rabans tripping all across the dark side of the moon?”

“Tripping is the right word,” I muttered. Clearly the man was high as a kite.

“Let’s keep our feet on the ground, son,” Father Reilly tried. “Let’s stay on this planet. You told me in confession this morning that you killed Neda. Do you remember?”

“Oh, sure. I killed off Neda—called her and said I was done. And I’m going to do the same thing with Janette and Hazel and all of my other clients. I need to focus on building my spaceship, you see, so I can leave for the moon.” He held up a knowing finger. “A man who doesn’t know how to bury the dead past, has no future. Isn’t that the truth? So before I fly away, I need to kill off the old Raban, and everything he stood for. And that includes this gardening gig.” There was a graceful beauty about his features now, as he seemed to have come to a decision, anticipating life onthat big ball of cheese in the sky. “I think I’ll change the name of the moon to Raban. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? And my children will be called Rabbanites. And together we’ll rule the universe.”

Uncle Alec produced a grunt of disgust, and made a throwaway gesture with his hand.“I should have known this confession business was too good to be true.”

“A drug addict,” said Chase as he sank down onto a chair. “Just another drug addict who’s managed to fry his own brain. And he looked so normal, too!”

“He played us all, son,” said the Chief. “That cuckoo bird played us for suckers.”

“I really thought we had our guy,” said Odelia, looking dejected.

Father Reilly, still forced to listen to Raban’s ravings about his rocket, his harem and his Rabbanites, looked up at the camera and gave us a look of desperation.

It wasn’t hard to interpret that look: ‘Let me out,’ it said. ‘Please let me out!’

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Back in Uncle Alec’s office, the human contingent were a sad lot. Father Reilly had also joined us, and looked as disappointed as the rest of us.

“See?” said Dooley. “I said he wouldn’t confess.”

“Oh, he confessed, all right,” I said. “In fact he couldn’t stop.”

Before they terminated the interview Raban had also confessed to ripping off his clients to the tune of fifty bags of manure, which he was going to use to fuel his rocket.

“I think it’s safe to say we’re back to square one,” said Uncle Alec finally.

“I’m sorry,” said Father Reilly. “If I’d known I was dealing with a mythomaniac, I wouldn’t have bothered you.”

“It’s all right,” said Odelia, directing a wan smile at the priest. “He hid it well.”

“Until it all came spouting out like a geyser,” Chase commented.