31906844db5c02010017a90f3f2ca805

The man’s smile faltered. “Um, yeah. No, of course I sold you vitamins. You came to me for a pick-me-up so that’s what I gave you.”

“So if I take these to the police and have them examined at the police lab,” said Odelia, holding up her grandmother’s pills, “they’ll clearly show up as vitamin pills, right?”

His eyes went little wider, and a lot wilder.“Police?” He stepped back from the vehicle. “Now, little lady, why would you go and do a thing like that? I’m just an honest businessman, trying to make an honest buck here.”

“You didn’t answer my question. If I give these pills to my uncle—who happens to be chief of police in this here town of ours—”

“And my son,” said Grandma.”

“—and he has them examined—”

“You never told me your son was chief of police!” the guy yelled.

Next to me, Dooley stirred.“What’s going on? What’s with all the yelling?”

“Odelia is busting this drug dealer’s chops and he doesn’t like it,” I said, giving him the CliffsNotes version of events.

“Does it make a difference?” asked Odelia. “If you sold my grandmother vitamins that’s perfectly fine. But if you sold her ecstasy, on the other hand…”

The cowboy wannabe was backtracking in the direction of his car now.“I think you better leave now, lady. I’m not doing business with you—nor you, Mrs. Muffin.”

“Hey, what about my vitamins?” asked Gran, getting a little worked up.

“I’m fresh out!” said the guy, waving his hands. “Got nothing left, I’m sorry!”

He then got into his car and slammed the door.

Odelia gave her gran a questioning look, then Gran said,“Hit it,” and Odelia hit it.

I had no idea what she was supposed to hit, but as it turned out, it was the gas. She’d put the car in reverse, and now stomped her foot on the accelerator. And even as the drug dealer tried to maneuver his car out of the parking spot he’d squeezed it in, she hit him in the front fender with a crunching sound of iron grinding against iron.

“Hey!” the guy yelled, sticking his head out the window. “This is a new car!”

Odelia slammed the car in gear again, moved a few inches to the front, then reversed into the Toyota once more, hitting it with such force something came loose and dropped down on the ground.

“My car!” the guy screamed, and when I looked back, he was on the verge of tears.

“That’s what you get for selling drugs to old ladies!” Odelia yelled, and then pushed so hard on the gas that Conrad’s car was shoved backward and into the car behind him, now effectively boxed in with nowhere to go.

He must have understood what she was trying to accomplish, for he opened the door and started to make a run for it. But Odelia is a much better runner than any drug dealer, and she caught him in no time, tackled him to the tarmac, then straddled him.

“Gran! Call Alec!” she yelled.

“Already on it!” Gran yelled back, taking out her phone.

“This is a free country!” the guy cried as he squirmed helplessly. “Free enterprise is the backbone of America!”

“Not when you’re dealing dope,” said Odelia.

Moments later, the cavalry arrived in the form of Uncle Alec. When the guy saw him, he knew the jig was up and dropped his head on the asphalt, losing the cowboy hat.

“Ugh,” he said.

“This man has been selling drugs to senior citizens, convincing them they were vitamins,” said Odelia, getting up.

“And do we know any of these senior citizens?” asked Alec with a twinkle in his eye.

Gran threw up her hands.“He told me they were vitamins!”

Alec sighed.“Conrad Jenkins,” he said, helping the man up. “You’re under arrest.”

“Fine,” said the guy. “I’ll never sell dope to your mom again. Now can I go?”

“You wish,” grunted Alec, taking off his sunglasses and tucking them away. “Now what have I told you about selling dope in my town?”

“Um… not to do it?”

“Exactly. Last time you got off easy. This time I’m throwing the book at you, buddy. And hopefully this time the lesson will stick.”

“Hey, I’m just a businessman.”

“You’re a dope peddler, and you were trying to tap a new market by selling your poison to kids.” He gestured to the school located at the end of the street.

So that’s what he was doing there. Bad man, I thought. Very bad man.

“Before you take him in,” said Odelia, “can I have a quick word?”

“You can have all the words you want, honey,” said Alec. “I’m grateful you got this piece of crap off my streets. Again,” he added, getting into the guy’s face.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Conrad. “Don’t rub it in.”

Odelia moved a few feet away from her uncle.

“So what is it you want to know?” asked Conrad wearily.

“Jeb Pott. He’s one of your customers, isn’t he?”

The guy studied her for a moment, then smiled, displaying a row of perfectly even and blindingly white teeth.

“The drug trade must be a very lucrative one,” said Dooley, “if he can afford nice snappers like that.”

“I guess so,” I said, following the back-and-forth between Odelia and Conrad intently.

“What is this information worth to you?” asked the guy now.

“Listen, buster. You poisoned my grandmother. So don’t push me.”