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“Maybe Chase could get us in?” said Dooley, obviously as eager as the rest of us to taste some of this ‘revolutionary new pet food with the greatest taste and the highest-possible nutritional value on the market.’

“Chase? How would Chase be able to get us in?” scoffed Brutus.

“Chase is a cop,” said Dooley, “and cops arrest people when they don’t do as he says.”

“I don’t think Chase will arrest the Peppard people if they don’t admit us into the program, Dooley,” I said.

“Who is Chase going to arrest?” asked Odelia as she walked into the living room, yawning and dressed in her Betty Boop jammies and Hello Kitty slippers.

She took a seat on the couch and stared at the TV, her eyes still a little bleary. She and Chase had gone out last night on a date, and it had gotten a little late.

“We need to get into this new program,” said Harriet now. “They promise its nuggets will add at least sixty percent extra shine to my coat.”

“And make me lose fifty percent of my flab,” I added.

“And make me seventy-five percent more butch,” said Brutus.

“And make me at least forty percent more intelligent,” said Dooley.

Odelia laughed.“This food can do all that? What is it? A kind of miracle cure?”

“How did you know?” asked Dooley excitedly.

On the screen, the woman in the lab coat now held up a can of that miracle food and smiled into the camera, her eyes shining with excitement, almost as if she’d tasted the food herself and loved what it had done for her. “Our scientists have developed Miracle Cure specifically with your beloved fur babies in mind. You will find that it doesn’t just meet all of their needs, but makes them more healthy, strong, smart and gorgeous. Peppard Pet Food. The pet food revolution. And that’s a promise, not a pitch.”

“See?” said Dooley, practically vibrating with excitement. “It’s a promise, not a pitch.”

But Odelia didn’t look convinced. “Miracle Cure? Sounds a little fishy, if you ask me.”

“What’s going on here?” asked Chase who’d walked into the room, barefoot and clad in a T-shirt that proclaimed he was the ‘World’s Greatest Pet Dad.’

“They’ve been watching one of those shopping networks,” said Odelia, “and now they want to try this new pet food called Miracle Cure. A brand called Peppard Pet Food.”

Chase stared at the screen for all of two seconds before he grunted,“Snake oil. There should probably be a law against them.”

“See!” said Dooley. “Chase is going to arrest them—this is our in, you guys!”

“It’s actually not available in stores yet,” I said. “The only way to get the food is by entering your pets into their free testing program. Which is free,” I added, hoping to convey some of my enthusiasm. “Free as in, it doesn’t cost any money.”

Odelia raised an eyebrow.“Don’t tell me. You want to be entered into this program?”

“Yes, please!” we all shouted simultaneously.

She shook her head.“Oh, come on. It’s probably just a marketing push for some new and dodgy product.”

A phone number had appeared on the screen, and I now nudged Odelia’s phone, which she’d left on the couch the night before.

She laughed and picked it up.“Okay, okay! I get the message.” She tapped the number into her phone as Chase walked into the kitchen, shaking his head. He might be the world’s greatest pet dad, but Odelia clearly was the world’s greatest cat lady.

Moments later, she was talking to the Peppard Pet Food people, or at least I assumed that she was. And when she hung up she said,“It was an answering service but I left my name and number and told them I have four fur babies who can’t wait to get their paws on some of those Miracle Cure nuggets,” we all shared a look of utter excitement.

“You know what this means, right?” said Harriet. “We’re going to be Miracle Cure pets!”

“If you’re selected,” said Odelia, dampening our excitement. “Andif I approve of the program.”

So we all crossed our digits that we would be selected, and that Odelia would approve our entry into the program.

Frankly, after having sampled every available brand of cat kibble and soft food on the market, I was dying to try something new.

Like I said, I know I’m one of the lucky ones, but even the lucky ones get bored.

Dooley had jumped down from the couch and was now tripping toward the pet door.

“Hey, where are you going?” asked Harriet.

“I’m going to ask Gran to call the same number, and also Marge,” said Dooley. “It’s probably like the lottery. The more tickets you buy, the bigger your chances of winning.”

See what I mean? Dooley hadn’t even eaten this revolutionary new cat food yet, and already it was boosting his IQ!

Chapter 2