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Can’t have that, he typed, then jammed his phone back into his back pocket and wrapped me in his arms.

“Thank you,” I whispered against his shoulder.

That was when a projectile thumped into the back of my head.

I spun on my heels, not at all surprised to see Pringle the raccoon standing nearby, his Nerf gun still pointed straight at me.

“You’re not supposed to use that on me,” I reminded him with a groan.

“How else was I supposed to get your attention away from lover boy?” The masked nuisance crossed his arms but continued to shoot darts at me with those dark, beady eyes of his.

“What do you need?” And why were my animals constantly inserting themselves into my love life? I hardly got any time with Charles as it was. The last thing I needed was to play human servant to the furry creatures all day. Paisley, at least, was busy with Nan, but that didn’t help me with theones who were still here.

Pringle widened his eyes and tsked.“Watch the attitude, toots. I come in peace.”

“That’s a fine thing to say when you literally just shot me.”

Pringle chittered happily.“Yeah, that was pretty good. Wasn’t it?”

I tapped my foot, refusing to say anything more until he just came out with whatever it was he needed. The sooner he told me, the sooner he could be on his way.

The raccoon dropped to all fours and raced back through the living room.“I have something important to show you. C’mon!” he cried. “Follow me!”

“What does he want?” Charles asked with one suspicious eyebrow raised.

“No idea. Let’s go up to my bedroom and lock the door.”

He raised the other eyebrow.“Not that I don’t like how you think, but we should probably find out what has him so worked up.”

I grabbed the plate of muffins and one of the coffee mugs.“Not interested. Now let’s go.”

Unfortunately, Pringle intercepted me just as I reached the stairs.“And just where do you think you’re going?” he demanded before shooting a foam dart into each of my kneecaps.

“Ouch! Stop it!”

He shot another dart at my face.“I’ll stop when you come out to the porch with me.”

“What’s on the porch?” I asked with a sigh.

He landed a shot near my bellybutton.

I growled in frustration.“You want me to go the porch? Then give me that gun. You’ve lost Nerf privileges for the rest of the year as far as I’m concerned.”

Pringle bared his teeth and hissed, reminding me that no matter how well he spoke, he was still very much a wild animal.“Touch Carla and you’ll deserve what happens to you next.”

“Enough with the theatrics.” Charles pushed past us and flung open the door.

“See!” the raccoon shouted in indignation as our eyes fell upon the bloody scene waiting on the front porch. He bolted past us and leaped off the porch.

“It’s your problem now!” he called as he disappeared around the side of the house.

And, yes, a problem it most definitely was.

Chapter Five

“Mamamamamamamama!” one of the babies cried when we stepped out onto the porch. Her feet were covered in blood, but she didn’t seem to be in pain.

Her brothers and sisters clambered over her in an attempt to break free of the battered cardboard box they’d been crammed into.

“Are those…?” Charles let his voice trail off.

I nodded to confirm.“An abandoned litter of kittens.”

Octo-Cat marched past us both.“What’s all this noise? I’m trying to speak with Grizabella and—”

A chorus of excited mews rose up to interrupt him.“Daddy!”

I glanced toward Octo-Cat in just enough time to see his already large eyes grow wide in horror.

He coughed and took a fearful step back.“No, it can’t be. The vet stole my cathood at least…”

He lifted a paw and extracted his claws, counting until he was satisfied with the conclusion.“At least four years ago. These… Thesethings can’t be mine.”

“Daddy!” the kittens chorused again.

“It’s impossible,” Octo-Cat insisted, stepping forward to sniff at the box. “And besides, they look nothing like me.”

They, in fact, looked very much like him with the same golden eyes and the same brown tabby coats. The only difference was that their fur was already longer than his. Based on my limited experience as a crazy cat lady, I guessed that this was a litter of Maine Coons. Fitting, given that we lived in Maine and that Octo-Cat liked to claim this particular breed as part of his proud heritage.

The kittens rushed to one side of the box in an effort to get close to the grown-up feline, and in so doing, knocked the box over. Free at last, they rushed up to my cat and began to rub affectionately against him.

“Oh, great! Now they got this red sticky stuff all over me, too,” he moaned but surprisingly made no move to back away.

Pringle reappeared then. Once on the porch, he started scooping up kittens and tucking them into his armpits.“How much do you think these guys are worth on the web market?”

“No,” I shouted. “Both of you stop! Nobody’s accusing you of being their father,” I informed my tedious tabby. “And we are not selling them on the Internet,” I growled at the handsy raccoon.