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Vesta glowered at her.“The pill my ass. You’re too old for the pill.”

“You meanyou’re too old for the pill. I’m not. And since I’m sexually very active, I don’t want to run the risk of getting pregnant. So that’s what I’m here for. Satisfied?”

“You’re the exact same age as me,” Gran growled.

“I doubt it.”

“You’re well past the point of hormonal return and you know it. So why don’t you tell me what you’re really here for and stop jerking me around, will you?”

“I’ve told you why I’m here. If you can’t accept that, for whatever reason, that’s not my problem.”

“Bullshit,” spat Gran, but returned to her desk and started typing anyway. She knew very well that the only thing Scarlett wanted was to get a rise out of her, and she wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. She was going to handle herself like a true professional.

She took a sausage out of her drawer and took a big bite.

A small gasp had her look up. Scarlett had risen from her seat and was standing at the desk.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m typing, I’m typing,” said Gran. “See?” She turned the screen so Scarlett could follow. “’Here to get a prescription filled for the contraceptive pill, even though she’s obviously way too old.’” She noticed Scarlett wasn’t listening but intently staringat her sausage. “What?” she asked, annoyed by the woman’s weird behavior.

“Is that… a Duffer you got there?” asked Scarlett.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” said Gran distractedly. “How do you spell biatch?”

“Lemme have a bite,” said Scarlett, licking her lips.

“No, you can’t have a bite. That’s my damn sausage and you’re not coming anywhere near it with that filthy mouth of yours. Who knows where those blowfish lips have been. So is it B-Y-A-T-C-H or B-I-A-T-C-H? Lemme check The Google. The Google knows.”

“They’re all out of Duffers.”

“Who is?”

“Everyone! There are no more Duffers, and they’re not coming in until next week.”

“So? Wait a week or buy a different brand. Plenty of sausages in the sea. And you should know. You’re something of a sausage connoisseur, aren’t you? At least that’s what you say.”

“Oh, you stupid old bat,” said Scarlett. “Don’t you know the Duffer is the king of saucisse? The tip of the top—top of the heap? There’s no saucisse like it. And I have to have a bite. Right now!” And then she grabbed Gran’s sausage and put it to her lips!

“Hey, you crazy woman!” Gran yelled, and tried to pry the sausage from Scarlett’s lips. It was like pulling a candy cane from a kid.

“One bite!” Scarlett yelled. “I haven’t had a Duffer for days!”

“Gimme back my sausage!”

And then Scarlett actually took the sausage and whacked Gran across the head with it.“Never! Call! The! Duffer! A! Sausage!” she screamed. “It’s a saucisse!”

“My saucisse!” Gran yelled, and then lunged across the desk for Scarlett.

When Tex stepped out of his office moments later, attracted by the sounds of a scuffle, he found Scarlett and Vesta on the floor of his waiting room, grappling like a couple of aged wrestlers, and Scarlett beating Vesta with what looked like a sausage.

Shaking his head, he took possession of the object of contention, his gesture drawing howls of rage from both women.

He then took a tentative bite and nodded appreciatively.“Great little sausage.”

The next moment something was biting him in the ankle. When he looked down, he saw that it was Scarlett, and then she was screaming.“It’s not a sausage! It’s a saucisse!”

Chapter 20

“We have to get out of here,” said Harriet.

“No shit, Sherlock,” said Clarice.

“You don’t think this is the pound?” asked Dooley.

“No, this is not the pound, Dooley,” said Clarice. “And I should know. I’ve been a frequent resident of that place more times than I care to remember. This is a prison.”

“Yeah, this doesn’t look like the pound at all,” I agreed.

“More like one of those creepy dungeons where serial killers like to collect their victims before they go off and fillet them alive,” said Brutus, glancing around.

Harriet shot him a censorious glance.“Nice,” she said.

“What?”

“Can’t you see that Dooley is terrified?”

We all looked at Dooley, but far from looking terrified he actually seemed excited. He was standing near the far wall, listening intently. We all joined him.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Listen here, Max,” said Dooley, and pointed to a small crack in the wall, where the cement between two bricks had fallen out. So I put my ear to the crack and listened.

“Hey, that sounds a lot like… Uncle Alec!” I said, glancing up at Dooley in surprise.

“I was checking out this wall when suddenly I thought I heard his voice. He must have found this place and come here to get us out. So you see, Max? You were right. Everything is going to be all right after all.”

I smiled at Dooley, listening in the meantime, and then my smile disappeared.

“We have to get out of here,” Uncle Alec was saying, echoing Harriet’s words exactly. “I don’t care how, but I have a feeling if we don’t escape now, it’s going to be too late.”